pfamilygal

Our new homeschool system

2012-02-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

So, as we've added pupils to the school, organization has become more and more important. When educating more than one child with a learning challenge, it becomes vital. This year, we began using a modified workbox system.

She suggests dividing the work into 12 boxes per child, per day. Since we do unit studies, all the children are studying the same science, history, Bible and art. This means we begin our day on the reading carpet and listen as I read from our various "living books" (we try to choose more real books and fewer textbooks). We pray together and if we have an art project for the day, we complete it after carpet time.

This year we put up a reading tree. Every time we complete a read-aloud, we add a leaf to our tree. Our goal is 1000 books between 10/11 and 10/12.

This is the whole school room:

You can see my desk on the left there, with my filing cabinets. The desk on the right side of mine faces the children's area and its drawers hold all of our colored paper and supplies. I also have a desk apprentice on that side with my stuff in it.

Yes, that is a dishwasher rack sitting on the left side of my desk. It is perfect for book storage. It allows me to flip through our current or future read-alouds easily. My file cabinet is full of file-folder games for the children's workboxes. These are easy to make games that reinforce skills the children are learning. Most include a key so the child can self-check.

Here are Luke and Abby's desks:

Each child's area has a desk apprentice, a bookshelf, a desk, chair, and a light. Sue Patrick suggests using all plastic shoeboxes for the workboxes but we found that to be unwieldy. So we use a combination of magazine files, plastic shoeboxes and file folders.

Each day I pack the children's boxes/folders with their assignments for the day. If it is a workbook, I put a sticky note on that day's workpages. They begin with #1 and work through #8. As they complete each box/folder, they remove the number from the velcro and place it on their docking station.

Then they place their finished work in their worktub. (See the white tub to the left of his desk apprentice?)

I begin with Luke and work around to Nate. So I try to stack the older kids' boxes with assignments they can complete on their own in the early boxes. If they get stuck on a box, they can simply replace it in their folder and wait for me to get to them.

Each child has his/her own space to be responsible for. I tried to design cute docking stations for each child's numbers as well.

Here is Abby's desk:

And docking station:

Nate and Anna share the other wall of the school room:

The giant board up on the wall is our All About Spelling/All About Reading board. I am in love with this O-G based phonics/spelling program and have seen all four kids growing in their spelling and reading since beginning this fall.

When we use the board, I just pull it down from the wall and set it against the end of the table on the floor. We do our assignment and then put it back up. This keeps Leah Claire out of the letters.

Here is Anna's docking station:

And Nate's (those are supposed to be Legos, no mocking the art skills):

You may have noticed a couple of extra squares on each child's station. Those are for "bonus boxes." Usually a board game or fun activity that they may choose to do when they finish school.

So there you have it, the Pfanstiel school system. Love to help anyone out or take suggestions!

Strong men or wimps?

2011-12-04T18:34:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the absence. Things have been crazy around here (when are they not?) and I've been mulling over a lot of spiritual things.

I'm really struggling with the roles many Christian men and Christian ministries place on women. I'm struggling with the idea of telling my daughters that their dreams are limited because of their genitals. I'm struggling with a theology that purports to cherish women but limits and demeans them. I don't understand why "feminist" (a term that just means you believe that women are equal to men) is such a cuss word in the church, and I'll be writing about this more over the next few weeks.

But right now I want to talk about wimpy men. Or at least the idea that men are wimps. Many of my friends are very, very conservative. They talk all the time about how submissive we should be as women, and how their husbands are super strong, macho leaders. But when you really look at their behavior, it is clear that they believe their men are wimps.

A few months ago, we were sitting around talking at the park. We were discussing freedom in worship and several of them decided that it was "immodest" for a woman to dance during a church service. This came as news to me, since our church encourages freedom. Several of the women and quite a few children dance freely for the Lord during worship. We even have a team of college students that performs amazing dances on stage.

But for my friends, moving your body in the presence of men is immodest. It is apparently provocative to wave a scarf or shake a tambourine where dudes are around. (My friend Brandi says if she danced like that for her husband he'd laugh so hard he choked. It would definitely NOT be arousing!) I was incensed at their censure of the dancers. I could not believe that they thought their husbands would be turned on by a woman dancing for Jesus. But they shushed me, saying that we need to remember that we are our brothers' keepers. Their arguments have been nagging at me, and I finally figured out why.

Ultimately, in my opinion, the whole modesty/submission/husband-worship thing comes down to a view that men are weak. Men cannot control their desires, so women must cover their bodies. Men cannot lead if anyone questions them, so women must keep quiet and submit. Men will not participate in church if women teach, so women should shut up and listen.

Let's look at modesty first. I'm not advocating that we all run around nude or wear bikinis to the grocery store. But it is not the responsibility of women to control or protect men by what they wear. This kind of thinking leads to the whole "well, she got raped but she was asking for it dressing like that" kind of talk. Several of my friends think pants are not modest. They say that pants draw the attention to the crotch area and make men think about sex. (Are they aware that women don't really have anything in the crotch area to draw attention to? By that logic, men should wear skirts!)

All men are not the same and no matter how you dress, some guy will think you're hot. (Ask my husband, I practically dressed Amish when we were dating and there was no lack of lust!) It is a slippery slope when you make women the guardians of men's eyes. First you cover your knees, then your shoulders, then you're in a burka. Because you are a precious treasure, of course (insert eye roll.)

I understand the desire to shield your husband from temptation. We live in a culture saturated with sex. But my husband is strong enough to be around ladies in pants and not start humping their legs like our shi tzu. And I think most husbands are. We are calling our husbands wimps when we require women to dress a certain way to "help" our menfolk be faithful. (Modesty is more about action, in my opinion, anyways. You can flirt with a friend's husband just as easily in a skirt!)

The same reasoning applies to submissive women. I have heard so many of my friends say that they suppress voicing an opinion because they want their husbands to lead. I even heard a preacher (not mine!) saying that women should never lead Bible study for their children because their husbands should lead. The idea here is that if women step up, men will just fade into silence and allow their wives to lead spiritually.

But I really don't think men are that wimpy! Mine isn't. We certainly don't see eye to eye on every spiritual doctrine and he's not cowed by my opinions. He doesn't abdicate responsibility for teaching our children about Jesus just because I also teach them about Him.

Another friend was talking about how men won't participate in church if there is a woman pastor or Sunday School leader. Are our men that pathetic? Is their manhood challenged by a person with a spiritual walk, opinions, and ovaries? I don't mean to be crass, but ownership of male genitalia does not give a guy a special hotline to God. And I really don't believe that our men are that weak. That we must cover and cower and keep silent or they won't step up and participate.

If we truly think our husbands are strong leaders, they should be able to handle women who dress normally. They should be able to handle women who teach and women who have opinions. They should recognize that God has made all people to function according to their gifts, not according to their gender.

College bound

2011-06-29T17:55:00.000-07:00

I've appreciated the comments on my previous entries about patriarchy. I've had quite the rousing discussions happening on my facebook page as well. I think it is good to stimulate one another to think and pray about theological and cultural issues.

As I've said before, I think there is a need for restoration in the family. I think God has an amazing plan for families, and that plan has been distorted and warped by the enemy. Fatherlessness is an epidemic and divorce rates are sky high. I appreciate ministries like Above Rubies that hold up a standard saying that God created motherhood and we should embrace child-rearing and loving our husbands. I am thankful that I found other Christians who taught me that children are a blessing and that I could trust God and accept a larger family.

But I still contend that there is a dangerous edge to some of these ministries.

A friend and I were discussing our daughters recently. She was saying how much harder it is to raise sons because their education is so much more important. She said that really, as long as her girls can keep house and balance a checkbook she feels she has done a good job. I asked if the girls would be prepared for college with such a rudimentary education and she just gawked at me. "I can't imagine sending my sweet girls to college! It's a horrible place! And why would they need to go, anyway? I mean, why spend money on all that when I know God wants them to be homemakers?" She then offered to lend me a book and video ( The Return of the Daughters and So Much More) so I could see the error of my plans.

As I did more research I realized that this is a common and growing belief in patriocentric families and ministries. Ministries like Vision Forum don't come right out and say it is a sin for a girl to go to college, but they do say that it is poor stewardship of resources. Similarly, blogs like By His Grace and For His Glory and Generation Cedar talk about how training girls to be homemakers is the only Godly plan for their lives.

The crazy thing is, I never heard Jesus say any of this stuff.

Once, He had dinner with two sisters. One wanted to do housework and cook, while one wanted to sit at His feet and learn. So, of course, since women are called to the kitchen and not to education, He rebuked Mary and sent her to sweep while the men learned, right?

No, our Savior praised the woman who wanted to learn of Him and told Martha she would do well to sit and learn with Mary.

I Corinthians 7:8 says , "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." Why? Paul goes on to explain in verse 34-35, "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Since Paul explains that remaining single to serve the Lord is a good thing, we can rightly assume that marriage and homemaking are not the only choices that should be available to Christian young women who desire to please God.

So, will my girls go to college? I expect so. Now, will it be traditonal four-year, live-away-from-home college? I don't know.

What I do know is that Philip and I believe God has amazing plans for each of our three girls. Plans that may include careers, home-making or a blend of the two. God has not limited them to the kitchen (not that there is anything wrong with the kitchen!) - but given each talents that they will use for His glory. I expect that our daughters (and our sons) will pray long and hard with us about what they are to do with their lives. I expect that as we give our input and they listen to the Holy Spirit, He will guide them.

Our sweet Susannah love science and art. I can see her being involved in a natural science, caring for animals or even illustrating texts about animals. Adventurous Abigail is crazy creative. I never know what she will sculpt next. I could see her doing interior design or becoming an artist. Little Leah only likes to crawl around and shove things in her mouth so far, so we'll have to see what talents and interests the Lord has given her.

But I know husband and I will support the girls in whatever endeavors the Lord leads them to undertake, whether that be wiping noses or wielding scalpels.

Seriously?

2011-06-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

So I've been writing about some of the teachings coming out of the conservative/fundamentalist church that I believe are, to varying degrees, toxic and extra-biblical.

I do agree that many of these ministries have some good things to say, and I have tried very hard to judge only the teachings that they have presented and not the hearts or salvation of the teachers themselves.

But this really takes the cake.

When I read it I had to step back and shake my head in disbelief.

It seems that Doug Phillips, of Vision Forum, believes that it is murder to do surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy before it ruptures. He thinks this is a tenable approach because one random woman in Australia carried an ectopic pregnancy attached to her ovary for nine months and gave birth via c/s to healthy baby girl.

It's good logic, you know, to make your case based on the strangest, most bizarre incident you can find (eyeroll).

What this man does not mention is the 40-50 women who die every year in the US from ectopic pregnancy. What he does not mention is that there are very, very few cases of ectopic pregnancies making it to the age of viability.

I would contend that this man is dangerous, and, dare I say it - cruel. There are well-meaning Christian families, many whom I know and love, who listen to Mr. Phillips. And if any of them feel his condemnation and misguided classification of ectopic pregnancy surgery as murder, they could be putting their life in danger for no reason.

Has Mr. Phillips had miscarriages? Has he wiped away the blood and had the cramps and cried the tears associated with the loss of life and a dream? I have. And I know many other women who have. It is heartbreaking.

I've never experienced an ectopic pregnancy, but I have held the hands of women diagnosed with them. As a nurse, I've cried with them as they were wheeled away to the OR for emergency surgery to save their lives. I've seen the vital signs dropping as a woman bleeds out from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I've pumped in the fluids and blood to try and save her. I've watched her color turn grey and her skin become clammy as her life drains into her belly. It can happen in minutes. I've seen women go to sonogram and be diagnosed with an intact tubal pregnancy. They can come back to their room and crash in just a few minutes. "Watchful waiting" is not an option when you can bleed out in five minutes.

But in Mr. Phillip's theology, a woman who has life-saving surgery, knowing that there is no way the tiny life insider her can be saved, is a murderer.

And that is sick. It is uncompassionate, rude, cruel and unkind. Because these women are grieving the loss of their sweet babies, as well as usually facing reduced fertility due to the loss of the affected tube. I cannot see the character of my Savior in a person who would condemn the grieving mom. I see legalism, judgment and misogynism. I see a man, who, for all his talk about valuing women, sees them as expendable.

As the body of Christ, we should be weeping with those who weep and comforting those who are grieving, not heaping blame and condemnation on their heads.

FREEEEEDOOOOM - aka, why I am renouncing my prairie muffin credentials

2011-06-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

I feel like such a fool. I remember who I used to be, the person my husband fell in love with. I was so joyful and vibrant and friendly and free. I read my journals from that time and I see such passionate love for the Father and openness to Him. And I just don't feel that way anymore.

My husband remarked the other day that I am so stubborn. That I dig in my heels and refuse to listen to his advice. And it's true. I am stubborn. I am loathe to receive any more instructions or corrections. But probably not for the reason he infers.

It is because I have been deceived. For the past 5 or so years I had been wading softly into the waters of Biblical patriocentricity. I had been reading things from Vision Forum, Ladies Against Feminism, Voddie Baucham and the like. And I felt so condemned. Because there is no room in these man-made philosophies for a woman like me. The only way for me to conform was by changing who I am. By changing from the person God made me into some strange Stepford wife. And when my sweet husband added any more advice or correction, no matter how just, I felt as though my knees would buckle under the burden. My relationship with God was so pathetic. I could not seek His Face because I knew it would be contorted with disappointment in my failure to conform to the requirements of the "godly."

But the Holy Spirit in me cried out against this. I was not made for this. I was not made to be a visionless sidekick. And I don't think that the Lord created half the population of the world to only be sidekicks. Christ did not come to deliver me to another set of rules.

The patriocentrists insist on uniformity in the body. All members should act alike. Personal preferences of leaders and fathers are exalted to the status of doctrine and to have a different take on things is labeled sin. Small verses are catapulted to stardom in their doctrines and whole ways of life are centered around minute portions of Scripture. "Forget the whole counsel of God," they seem to say, "we only need two verses from Proverbs and a snippet of Titus."

And it is all about control. Subjugate the women and make the men kings. Keep your daughters at home until the time comes when you transfer ownership of them to their husbands. Keep your sons working in the family business and spreading your glory.

So from now, on, I am not just Philip's helpmeet. I am Tamara, daughter of God. I am valuable to Him in my own right, apart from my position as wife or mother. I have been given dreams and passions apart from those of my husband and it is okay! I am capable and gifted as a woman. Not in spite of being a woman or only as an adjunct to a man. I am made in the image of God, just as a man is. The fact that an X chromosome sperm fertilized my mother's egg does not make me less in substance or stature before God than if a Y chromosome sperm had done the honors.

It is okay for me to occasionally need time alone. Despite what the patriocentrists teach, it is okay to go for a mani-pedi sometimes. I DO need a little me-time sometimes. I do need an hour or two to myself. It doesn't make me selfish, it makes my healthy and honest. I have six kid, for goodness sake!

I am valuable to God apart from my womb. I do not need to engage in militant fecundity to prove my worth or my devotion to Him. I can be okay with my hysterectomy and I do not need to self-flagellate in the presence of quiverfull women because I cannot bear any more children. I love babies, but frankly, my quiver is full at the moment. And that is okay. God has richly blessed me, but my hands are full! The patriocentrist ladies won't admit it, but you really cannot do it all!

Gabriel will be going to speech preschool at the local public school 5 mornings a week next year. And I am so grateful for the opportunity. For him and for me. Because I cannot teach 4 kids with a crazy preschooler at home as well as I can teach 4 kids with said crazy preschooler enjoying friends and fun at school. The patrio books/blogs would indict me for not training him better and for sending him to public school. But I have been honest with myself and realized that this is the best thing for all of us. I could insist that I am capable of juggling all these balls, but it would not be helpful to Gabriel or the rest of us. He needs the speech help and I need 3 1/2 hrs each morning to teach without constant interruption. And that is okay! Praise God that this service is available!

This is not to say that I do not adore my husband or children. It is not to say that I am not unbelievably blessed to be Philip's bride and the mother of my six amazing kids. But those things do not define me. Christ and Christ alone is my portion, not motherhood or marriage or anything else.

It is painful to admit that I have been so deceived. That I have been like the foolish Galatians, adding law to the finished work of Christ. But it is true. And now that my eyes have been opened I just want to shout "FREEEEDOM!" The weight of law and condemnation is so heavy. But His burden, His teaching, His truth - they are so, so light.

I cannot reject the pestilent teaching of the Vision Forum and other Patriocentric ministries strongly enough. They are divisive and cruel. They cause strife and division in churches. They are not humble. They do not just present teachings for consideration. They call their critics names and abuse their character and their Christianity. I repent for ever believing their lies and ask all Christians to honestly compare patriocentric teachings with the Word, remembering that description in the Word does not equal prescription. Just because Abraham and Jacob were patriarchal leaders does not mean that God intends all fathers to own their daughters like chattel. They were ancient men, living in an ancient culture, and their habits are not commandments for us.

(PS: My husband did NOT push me in this direction. He wasn't slipping VF leaflets under my pillow or buying me their books. I was the one dragging him down this path.)

What would Jesus protest?

2011-05-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

I was reading about that horrible cult led by Fred Phelps. I am truly repulsed by this man, and ashamed at the reproach he has brought to the name of Christ. (It's one thing to be a sick, hateful jerk, it's another to be a sick, hateful jerk and claim that Jesus made you do it.) I hate that people look as his brand of vitriol and associate it in any way with my Savior. I hate that this "preacher" takes verses from the Holy Scriptures and misuses them. It makes me ill.

I know we are called to evangelize. But when I read the Scriptures, especially the words of Christ, I hear a different command than the one Fred Phelps is hearing (which is, apparently, "insult folks into the kingdom"). I read the words of my Master and hear that I am to share the Good News. I hear that I am to share a message of reconciliation between an unrighteous sinner and a Holy God.

I understand that people must repent and realize their sin before they can be reconciled. I reject the watered down self-help gospel that does not require repentence. But I fail to see how calling names and claiming every bad thing that happens to America is a divine judgment is evangelism. Is this man making converts? Are sinners being reconciled with their God through his teachings?

Now I realize the Mr. Phelps is a pretty extreme example of a Christian picketer. I realize there are many others who have picketed at Pride parades and abortion clinics and other places who do not hold to the vile teachings of Mr. Phelps.

But I still wonder what Jesus would picket. I wonder if He would be standing anywhere holding a sign of condemnation. And if He did, wouldn't it be in front of a "church" like Mr. Phelps'? In the Gospels Jesus saved His most scathing criticism for self-righteous religious folks. To the sinner He reached out with salvation, to those who thought themselves righteous He lashed out with condemnation.

If the Church is truly the hands and feet of Christ, shouldn't we be reaching out, promoting reconciliation and healing? Shouldn't we be bringing people to the Savior so He can restore shalom (wholeness) to their lives? Isn't the Good News more than just a judgment or a "don't" list? Have picket signs ever caused a sinner to turn, or do they simply strengthen the resolve of the foolish to continue on their merry way towards destruction?

I understand that we cannot stand for sin in our own lives, but isn't the Church most effective when we allow God to cleanse us first and then reach down into the pit and help folks up? I realize that the Cross is a stumbling block and the ways of God seem foolish to man, but can we let the Cross be offensive enough without adding the shame of our own nasty, hateful behavior?

I am not saying that we should be soft on sin. I am not saying we should lie about things that offend God. I am not proposing that we seek to please people with our words instead of Christ, or that we should allow our feelings to dictate our stance on subjects of morality. But I am saying we should clean house first. Focus on our own hearts and our own sin.

Called to judge?

2011-05-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

So apparently I'm becoming adept at stirring the pot.

My last post led to a 75 comment long stream on Facebook. Some folks really agreed with me, while others adamantly defended the Pearls. Some folks called me judgmental and called into question my behavior as a Christian.

So my question here is, are we allowed to judge as Christians? When? Why? Are there limits?

Nearly everyone is familiar with Matthew 7:1, "Judge not, or you will be judged," Offer an opinion on nearly anything that someone else doesn't like and you will be smacked in the face with this verse. But what does it really mean?

If we continue down the passage we read, " For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."   A companion verse is Luke 6:37, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

Reading these, and knowing what my Savior said to the hypocritical, hyper-judgmental religious leaders of the day, it is easy to see that we are not to judge other people. I am not to look at another person's heart and condemn them. I should follow Jesus' teachings and treat others the way I would like to be treated, forgiving them as I would like to be forgiven. We know from the parable of the unmerciful servant (Matt. 18:21-35), that it angers God greatly when we, who have been forgiven an unpayable debt, hold others accountable for the comparatively small offenses they have committed.

So it seems pretty obvious that we must develop a policy of charity towards others since we desire charity for ourselves.

But the issue becomes more murky when we start talking about behaviors and teachings.

Pope John Paul wrote that Adam and Eve mistakenly thought that they could choose right and wrong. In reality, God alone can determine if something is right or wrong, good or evil. We only get to choose which side we will stand on (Josh 24:15, Matt 12:30.) Will we agree with God or pretend that we get to determine what is sin? It's a form of idolatry, really - enshrining one's own self and one's own opinion greater than God's. Because when we refuse to agree with God and call sin sin, we are really telling Him that we could do a better job - that our judgment is better than His.

So, for example, when we call abortion a sin, we are not being judgmental in a way prohibited by Scripture. Instead, we are siding with God, who hates murder and the shedding of innocent blood (Prov. 6:17, Ex. 20:30). I am not judging a woman's heart when I say that abortion is sinful. I am agreeing with God, who creates life and despises the killing of innocents.   To say otherwise would be to tell God that I have better judgment than He does. (I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's a bad idea.)

Teaching is a whole 'nother ball of wax. Teachers are held to a very high standard of accuracy and faithfulness to the Gospel (Titus 1:9 and 2:1, Gal. 1:6-9).   We are repeatedly admonished to evaluate teachings to make sure they line up with the Gospel (Acts 17:11). We should endeavor to separate our feelings about a teacher as person from our evaluation of their message.

I am sure the Pearls are kind and meek. My husband greatly enjoyed his time with the couple and was very blessed when Debi watched his movie and gave him a review. But I have a duty to separate those warm feelings from an honest evaluation of their teachings in light of revealed Biblical truth. And I find the books lacking in the Spirit of grace that I see the Bible. I also find them to be full of judgments and Law that will not bring life, but bondage.

I do not believe I am sinning in judging or evaluating the teachings of the Pearls. I have not judged their hearts, after all, I have simply judged the teachings that they have presented to the body of Christ. I would argue that not only is this an allowable practice, but an essential and beneficial habit for a maturing believer.

PS: I should add that the teacher's platform matters as well. The Pearls have presented themselves as Biblical child-rearing experts. This means they must be evaluated using stricter standards than someone who is just sharing informally about their parenting philosophy.

REAL parenting joy

2011-05-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I shared my reservations about GKGW. Thank you for your comments. I realize that many loving parents do use Babywise and don't sabotage their milk supply. I realize that doing GKGW doesn't mean your baby will scream in his crib for an hour until he vomits. Many caring parents use Babywise with common sense and do just fine. I thank those parents for extending grace to me when I say that it did not work for us.

And now I'm on to another Christian parenting book that is popular in my circle. No Greater Joy Ministries, a fundamentalist Christian ministry that puts out several popular parenting and marriage books. I have read To Train Up A Child, No Greater Joy (Vol. 1-3), Rebekah's Diary, and Created To Be His Helpmeet. They were all interesting reads, and did contain nuggets of helpful truth. But in the end, I cannot recommend them. My husband always encourages me to chew up the grain and spit out the straw, but at some point the grain-to-straw ratio becomes unpalatable. And the poisonous nature of some specific straw (is my metaphor breaking down here?) makes it dangerous to ingest. (Just ask the two children who died because of its teachings.)

Let me explain.

My husband has dined with Michael and Debbie Pearl and says that they are kind, meek, loving people. I have some issues with their doctrines (KJV only, water baptism only, sinless perfection, etc), but I don't doubt that they genuinely love Jesus and desire to strengthen families. What I do doubt is their method and their general feelings about child-parent relations.

The Pearls say that their methods will work 100% of the time. If you end a spanking before you have achieved 100% outward submission and repentance in your child, you have failed. Which will make it even harder to break your child the next time. If your child flees from you, you should stalk them, hold them down and beat them. When you are spanking them, you should act like it's a big joke and pretend you have lost count of how many licks you have given and jest that you must start over. You should wear your switch around your neck so your children are always reminded of your authority. BUT, if you are steadfast and continue to whip your child until they repent, every single time they disobey, with utter impunity (and a smile on your face!) you will have completely happy and obedient children.

Most rational, thinking, loving people can read that and realize it is a load of hogwash (not to mention disgusting!). There is NO guarantee of a perfect outcome. God has disobedient children, who am I to think that I am a better parent than He? What we must do is PRAY! Often and in earnest! Ask the Lord what we should do and teach our children the Word from an early age.

But there are folks out there who do not have this common sense check in their spirits. Well-meaning, Christian folks who read these books and fall under a load of condemnation for their children's faults. Who read these books and think, "If I just spank more/harder/more consistently......if I just break my child's will....then I will have an absolute guarantee of their success!" And so they throw rational thinking to the wind and end up with dead children.

I understand the draw of a guarantee, but as attractive as that thought is, there is no biblical precedent for this. Instead we must draw near to God in faith and work with Him to train our children and LOVE them into the kingdom.

In addition to the sickening descriptions of spankings in the book, the entire premise of the parent-child dynamic seemed off to me. It, and books like it, seem to promote a ruler-serf mentality with children and parents. I am no permissive parent, and firmly believe that this is the time to be my child's parent - friendship will come later. However, I see no reason to be my child's adversary. I want to be his coach, his teacher, his cheerleader. The Bible says we are co-heirs with Christ. We are growing in grace and wisdom together and I see no reason to assume antagonism between my children and myself. Yes, there are times when they must submit to my leadership as the mother of the home. But they are also my brothers and sisters in Christ, and we, as a family unit, are trying to follow hard after Him.

I didn't want to write this. I had read parts of the Pearl's books and liked them. But when you know better, you do better. And I know better now.

Baby Unwise

2011-05-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

I've really been enjoying Three Moms and a Podcast, a podcast where my friend Kaysie and two of her buds dish about different mothering issues. A few weeks ago they talked about the-book-that-shall-not-be-named (aka, Babywise), and I've had a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head regarding GKGW and programs of its kind.

I've mentioned it before, but when Nate was born, I thought this book was gold. We followed it like it was child-rearing manna from Heaven. Sure enough, he slept through the night by 8 wks, even though he was 4 wks early. But at a very high price - his early sleeping habits, coupled with scheduled feedings during the day and a full-time night shift work schedule, cost me my milk supply. By 5 months it had disappeared.

We used the program again with Susannah. And by 6 months I was struggling again. I managed to make it to 9 months, supplementing heavily with formula, when I became pregnant with Abigail. I tried nursing her while pregnant but she was no longer interested.

Abigail's time at the breast started roughly. She was born 7 wks early and was only 4 lb 7 oz when we brought her home from the NICU. She never latched well and by 12 wks she'd weaned completely.

With Luke I was determined to do something different. I knew that God had made me to nurse. I had sweet toothless babies and breasts to feed them, but for some reason "God's way" wasn't cutting it. I was drying up far before it was time for weaning. So I went to a breastfeeding support group as soon as Luke arrived. At first I was skeptical. All these hippie ladies sitting in a room with nursing toddlers kind of scared me. And when I mentioned how I didn't know how to boost my supply while doing Babywise, a hush fell across the room.

"You know," the lactation consultant (now my dear friend, Mellanie) said, "your baby didn't come with those instructions imprinted on him. He just knows he's hungry." I immediately went on alert. I knew about those no-schedule, family-bed marsupial parents. I'd been warned about them in my GKGW class.

But I kept coming back. And I saw that these ladies really loved their kids too. And many of them loved Jesus as well. And that GKGW wasn't God's way. It was a way that some Christians raise their children. And while it wasn't wrong in and of itself, neither was it right or holy or somehow perfect.

And I threw out the book. I still kept the basic routine of eat-play-sleep, but I let Luke set his own schedule. And he nursed past a year, almost all the way through my pregnancy with Gabriel. Gabriel, too, nursed for over a year and my supply was plentiful. Leah Claire is 8 months old. She still wakes a couple times a night, but she's exclusively breastfed and happy. My supply is abundant and since we cosleep it's not a big deal to drowsily nurse her in the night. (Frankly, with the noise and craziness of our daytimes, it's a special time for the two of us).

My point is not that Babywise is one hundred percent wrong, though I do have serious caveats about a book that undermines natural milk production and made me numb my soul to my maternal instinct to comfort my child. My point is that it is not God's way. Neither is Sears', or Pantley's, or anyone else.

When we were born again, God filled us with the Holy Spirit. As we became mothers, that same Holy Spirit empowered us to mother our children. We must listen to the still, small Voice of the Father and ask Him how we should mother, not some silly book. We should rely on the natural instincts that our Creator gave us to care for our little ones. And we should pray, often and earnestly, that He would fill us to overflowing with knowledge and wisdom to raise our children in the way that they should be raised (this may come as a shock to you, but not all kids are the same - my kids might have different needs than yours. That's why an omniscient God gave them to me!).

So let's give each other grace. I won't call my way perfect or anoint it with the "God's way" moniker if you will do likewise. Let's pray and support and encourage each other to seek the Father about raising all our kids to follow Him all the days of their lives.

Stay tuned - tomorrow I'll tackle No Greater Joy.

(PS, thank you to my sisters for not punching me out, in Christian love, when I repeatedly gave them copies of the book. You know, back when I thought it was God's way.)

(PPS, now I'M the hippie, co-sleeping marsupial mom)

Inspired to Action: Maximize Your Mornings.

2011-05-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

So, I'm realizing that I fritter away half the day by being unprepared. I don't have all my lessons planned. I don't have the kids' chores planned. I haven't had my quiet time. I haven't exercised. I haven't prayed. And I spend half the day playing catch up and becoming emotionally and mentally exhausted because I'm trying to figure out what I need to do while I'm trying to do it.

So I'm committing to change. I'm committing to get up early. 6:30. And spend 1 hr praying, running and planning before the kids wake up. I'm participating in the Maximize Your Mornings challenge . I hope you will consider doing it too.

Compassion

2011-04-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Recently I got into a kerfuffle on Facebook about abortion. (I knew better, really. I mean, who changes their mind based on some FB wall posts?) I called it murder and was told that I needed to work on my compassion. I was told that Jesus doesn't judge.

Really? Because the Jesus I serve is kind of a badass. I mean, He knocked over tables in the Temple and drove the moneychangers out with a whip. In Revelation He returns on stallion with a sword and judges the Earth.

Now, I know, I am not Jesus. I know the verse constantly thrown in the faces of Christians. (I read recently that the most common verse known by unbelievers used to be John 3:16. Now it is Matthew 7:1-2.) I get that we need to be gentle with others and strict with ourselves. We need to self-examine before we point out others' sins.

But we also need to be honest. And call things like they are. Of course we should show compassion to individual women who have had or are considering abortion. Of course we shouldn't make death threats to abortionists or stone them in the street.

But compassion is a complicated. How do you show compassion for someone without condoning their sin? How do we reach out to women while still working to end the genocide that is abortion?

Jesus had to be the most compassionate person to walk the planet. But He still called sin sin. I don't think He wants us to stand idly by and allow the murder of innocents.

I've heard the same logic used to condemn evangelism. People get all peeved when they are called sinners. Have you heard some altar calls lately? I've heard some on TV that make Jesus sound like a magic infomercial panacea. But salvation is so much more than a "better life" scheme or a set of steps towards ultimate fulfillment.

How can one recognize their need for a Savior until they recognize their sin? And how will anyone every realize their sin when we bow to our culture's false idol of tolerance?

Compassion has to be two-fold. Kindness AND truth. Holiness AND love. Gentle AND firm. Because my Savior is all those things, and He is the one I want to emulate.

just an FYI

2011-04-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

I don't hate the public schools.

Really.

I know I am often quite vocal in my appreciation for the privilege of teaching my kids at home. And I do feel that the public school down the street was not a good fit for my oldest son.

But there are a lot of really great schoolteachers and workers out there. And I'm not just saying that because I'm sleeping with one. (Shhhh!)

I'm married to a teacher. My mom is a teacher. My step-mom is a teacher. And I know many, many more. There are many students who are learning fantastic things from amazing teachers. I cannot say this enough. It breaks my heart to hear homeschool moms bashing the public schools. Do we realize how hurtful it is when we malign all public schools in our small groups or churches, right in front of our Christian sister or brother who teaches in a public school?

(My problem is with the whole education model. I don't like a system that only values the kids with academic brilliance. I don't like a system that teaches kids that there are no absolutes, that all values are equal. And I don't like a system the causes children to value their peers' opinions more than their parents'.)

I am a product of the public school system and I am grateful for the education I received (especially in Mrs. Trusty's AP English class!) I know there are many teachers who are working within the system and making a positive impact on kids. And I thank them from the bottom of my heart.

I think as homeschoolers we must be careful not to engender animosity that is not necessary or helpful. Our enemy is not the public school system, nor the teachers within it. Our enemy is the enemy of souls, who delights in causing Christians to turn on one another instead of fighting him.

You know THAT girl?

2011-04-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

The one you read about on the web.

The one who teaches her kids Latin and Sign Language in preschool.

The one whose kids excel at every subject known to man.

Who always has a perfect house and perfectly obedient children.

Who values punctuality and has immaculate systems for preventing lateness.

Who rises early to get at least 2 hrs with the Lord before her kids wake up.

Who takes her kids to every extracurricular activity under the sun.

Plus church.

Who takes her kids to feed the hungry and scrub toilets at the downtown mission every week.

But still has time to sew all their clothes, and prepare organic meals from scratch.

With vegetables she grew in her garden and eggs from her chickens.

Well, I'm not her. And I doubt you are either. I don't think this lady really exists. But it's really easy to read blogs and get a false idea about who we should be and what we should be doing. I have a tendency to synthesize all the ideas I get from blogs into some monstrous mommy idol. I somehow think that the lady who makes all the nifty craft stuff on Filth Wizardry is the same one who makes all her own food on Heavenly Homemakers. But they can't be. Something's got to give. And one person cannot accomplish everything that this magical lady in my head does.

And I know this. Somewhere in the back of my head, I really do. But I still walk around feeling condemned because I'm not her. Because I'm not living up to some imaginary standards set by other folks.

And I get paralyzed by fear. And descend into inactivity because I know I can't do everything.

But all I need to do, all He has called me to do, is the next right thing. Listen to His voice and obey.

I need to ask Him what is important and go from there. Accept that I cannot do it all and focus on doing a fantastic job of the few things that matter to His heart.

People have been telling me for years that I should be selling the things I make. But honestly? I don't have time. And it stresses me out. Twice I have tried to open online shops only to get stressed and quit. I recently tried again. And I realized (sooner this time! Yeah! I'm learning!) that sewing adorable baby clothes for other folks' kids is not what God has called me to. I should sew for my own enjoyment for the people I love. Heck, I have a part-time job that pays well. I don't need another one.

But I do need to streamline. And prioritize. And run hard with the vision He has given us for our family. Which means dropping the extra stuff (good stuff, but not necessarily God stuff) and focusing on being excellent in a few things.

And not beating myself up because I'm not THAT girl.

Because she didn't exist anywhere except my head.

I'm raising weirdos.

2011-04-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

So, I'm pretty sure I'm raising weirdos.

No, not that kind. But I notice that my kids don't seem the same as the public and private schooled kids I know. I read this article yesterday and felt a bit better.

Because I don't want to raise "normal" kids.

I don't want to raise kids who tow the line and do what's expected and fit in perfectly. I don't want to raise kids who conform to the world's mold.

I want to raise world-shakers and soul-winners.

Sure, I want my children to be polite, well-behaved and able to get along with others. I want them to be hard workers and hope any employer feels like they are getting a really great deal when they hire my child. I pray that their spouses and friends feel enriched by knowing my kids. And I pray they are a blessing to their churches and communities.

But I do not worry about their socialization in the way most folks mean it. I do not want my kids to be conditioned to accept things on blind faith because a teacher said it or "that's the way we've always done it." I don't want my kids to ignore their consciences in order to blend in.

I don't want my kids getting lessons on how to be a better sheep. I want them to retain their wild creativity and sincere questioning. I want them to engage ideas instead of regurgitating facts. I want them to learn how to learn instead of just memorizing data.

Because honestly, if I'm not desiring a different product than the public schools churn out, I'm putting in a hell of a lot of work for nothing! And I'm way too lazy for that.

How to make a faux Grecian pot.

2011-03-31T15:15:00.000-07:00

We're wrapping up our study of the Greeks and preparing to move on to Rome.

For our final Greek art project we made faux Grecian pottery.

Supplies needed:

Terra cotta pot

Black acrylic pain

Peach crayon

Paint brush

Paper towels

Clear coat spray-on sealant

Draw your design on the pot using the peach crayon. Press hard so lots of wax transfers to the pot.

When you are finished with your design, paint over the entire pot using black acrylic paint.

Then buff the pot with a paper towel while it is still wet, revealing your design.

Now all your designs should be showing.

Spray with Krylon Acrylic Crystal Clear Spray Coating and allow to dry.

All done! Ours now adorn our kitchen table.
We planted rosemary and basil in them.

Gospel and Law

2011-03-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

I've been reading some more emergent church books lately. I enjoy Donald Miller, Rob Bell, and to some extent, Brian McLaren. Their books make me uncomfortable though and cause me to search my faith. Have I built my spiritual house on bedrock or is part of the wonder of God that is He is ultimately unknowable?

The emergent pastors seem to purport that what we believe about God is not really important. What is important is that we follow Jesus into a new way of living in love and community. They stress Jesus' call to kingdom living and sacrificial love for our brothers.

Which all sounds great.

Except is is not the Good News.

It is not the Gospel.

When I stand before a holy God after I die, I cannot trust in my adherence to Jesus' way of kingdom living. My works cannot reconcile me to a perfect, just God. That is Law. And I cannot fulfill it. I am inadequate to pay the monstrous debt I owe.

The apostles and early martyrs did not die because the Romans feared their lifestyle of community. They died because they bore witness to the real Good News - that Jesus Christ, the incarnate God-made-flesh, had died for our sins and risen again in victory.

I am so thankful for the real Gospel. That my salvation does not rest in my works, but instead I have been ransomed back through the shed blood of Christ. Indeed, works will follow as the Spirit of God restores my soul and conforms me to the image of His Son. Works are evidence of true salvation. But they are not the work of salvation itself.

I am thankful for the solid rock of Christ. That I don't have to build my house on the shifting sands of emergent theology that pretends to be about grace, but is really just regurgitated law. And I can choose not to be enslaved again to law, but rejoice in the freedom His blood purchased for me.
'

Social network

2011-02-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

Philip and I watch "The Social Network" the other night. Pretty interesting movie.

What struck me was the Ecclesiastes vibe that ran through the whole thing.

Here is a guy (Mark Zuckerberg) who is brilliant and creative. Who worked hard to create Facebook. And made a boatload of dough doing it.

And how useless it all is.

Has FB contributed to our prayerfulness? Brought people to Christ? Fed the hungry? Healed the sick? Clothed the naked? Placed the orphan in a family?

Nope.

Now, I do use FB. I enjoy catching up with friends and talking, even virtually, with folks who don't wet their pants.

But I hope my life matters for more than that. That it is more than a striving after the wind. Because in the end, this world is just a breath. And Mark Zuckerberg's billions and my more modest thousands and the poor man's pennies will all be gone. And all that will remain is what we have done for and through Christ.

For real

2011-01-18T19:16:00.000-08:00

So my friend was watching me change Leah's diaper and says, "Oh, those are so cute. But they really make your baby pee more. I mean, you've changed her like 3 times and I've only changed my baby once."

Um, yeah.

Your baby pees just as much. It's just that the paper diaper changes the pee into those weird little gel beads. So it doesn't seem like your baby is wet.

For real.

Regrets

2011-01-13T12:53:00.000-08:00

My husband remarked the other day that he has very few regrets, while I have many. It's not that I have made that many more mistakes than he, it is just that he moves on quickly.

I tend to ruminate over past failures and fantasize about what my life would be like if I'd chosen a different path at various crossroads. If I had faced my opportunities armed with the knowledge I have now instead of the understanding I had at the time. If I had known how much a sin would cost me before I succumbed to temptation. If I had seen the potential good in certain choices and counted the benefits worthy of the cost.

But I can't go back. I can't wallow in what might have been. I can't wiggle my nose and create an alternative reality.

But I can use the regrets of yesterday to make better, wiser choices today. To act more slowly and carefully. To heed the still, small Voice that cautions and guides.

And I can serve a God Who makes all things new. Who is not surprised by my choices. Whose plan cannot be foiled by my foibles. Whose providence is bigger than my propensity for foolishness.

I think it's a case of casting our Maker in our image again. I get upset when family/friends/kids "mess up" and it alters my plans. I have to work around the changes. But God has foreknowledge. He already has a plan worked out for me.

He has designed me for His glory and His plans will be accomplished. And that is something I can revel in.

Altars

2011-01-05T03:12:00.000-08:00

So the last two weeks were a gaping void in which I was constantly doing one of two things: working or coughing. (Sometimes both. Because I'm a mom and I can multitask.)

But I'm doing better. The holiday work-a-thon is over and my pneumonia is clearing.

And I've been thinking about Christmas. Several of my sweet and well-meaning friends do not celebrate. They are getting into the Jewish roots of Christianity and have rejected Christmas and Easter, saying that they are just "Christianized" versions of pagan celebrations. And that they aren't even in the Bible.

Which is fine. If the Holy Spirit convicts them about this, then who am I to judge?

But for me, both the holidays are altars.

God was really into altars in the Old Testament.

Every time something super nifty happened (crossing the Jordan, wrestling with God, etc), God told His people to build an altar to remember. A physical reminder of an encounter with an invisible God.

And if there is anything in this world worth remembering it is the incarnation of our infinite God and the sacrifice He made for us. Two times a year when we should stop and say, "Wow," and just marvel in His goodness.

What other altars would you make in your journey? Are there any special times when you remember God's amazing acts? Any times when you've pulled stones from the river and made a memorial to God's intervention?

Birthdays are a big one I think of. Sure, they can be commercialized, stress-filled celebrations of materialism and white sugar. But they can be altars too. Reminders that God intervened in my life and gifted me with six amazing kids. Reminders that His voice saying "yes" is bigger than any doctor's voice saying "no."

I think our biggest problem with holidays is not that they exist. It is that we've forgotten what they are for. Christmas, Easter, birthdays, etc should be days reflecting God's glory. Where we ponder the provision of a mighty Savior. As always, it is a heart issue when we really come down to it.

Carrots for Christmas

2010-12-26T19:37:00.000-08:00

Not like this:

Like this:

I want my kids to be motivated to finish their school work and do their chores. But I don't want to pay them for every little thing, let them watch oodles of TV or play hours of video games in exchange. So for Christmas I bought some carrots (in the form of board and card games) for my little donkeys.

So far we've played these games: Loot, Sleeping Queens, Rat-A-Tat-Cat, Haba Animal Upon Animal Stacking Game, Wig Out!, and Too Many Monkeys. All winners! The only one that the kids were kind of meh about was Monza - by HABA. My plan is to promise them 30 minutes of game time after each school day, when all chores are done. (And some of the games will hone their math and reading skills - shhhh!)

So what are your favorite family games? We have a few more new ones (thanks Grandpa Bill/Grandma Cindy and Grandma Jean/Grandpa Warren!) to try, but we love hearing about new ones.

Part two

2010-12-22T09:54:00.000-08:00

So I was mulling around about my last post as I tried to sleep last night (Philip had taken the five older kids on a camp out, so it was just me and Leah around here. And I never sleep well when Philip is gone). And I realized that the dancing lady at church doesn't have a testimony any more dramatic than my own.

Maybe in the world's eyes her deliverance seems more profound, but in truth, we are all miraculously ransomed back from Hell if we have chosen to become His disciple.

She just "gets it" more than most of us do. Because we have deluded ourselves. We have created a man-made hierarchy of sin that allows us to say one person's hellhole was worse than another. That one of us more desperately needed God than the other.

But the fact is, we were all depraved. We were enemies of God. Apart from His hand of redemption, there is no good thing in us.

I'm reading an interesting book: Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream. I'm only a few chapters in (I've heard that it becomes more controversial later, so I can't endorse the whole thing yet), but I wholeheartedly agree with his depiction of our condition before God and his indictment of American Christianity. He writes, "You are an enemy of God, dead in your sin, and in your present state of rebellion, you are not even able to see that you need life, much less cause yourself to come to life."

We want a self-help Christianity. We want salvation on our terms. I've heard so many altar calls that shill Jesus as "the man with the answers who can make your life better." But that is NOT Biblical. The Bible says that we can expect persecution as we follow Christ, and that being refined and made into the image of the Son can be painful. The Word says that anyone who is considering following Him must count the cost (all that you are/have) before making the decision.

But we have cooked up a milquetoast Jesus and a watered down Gospel. Walk into any Christian book store and you will see smiling "evangelists" on book covers declaring how Jesus has a great plan for you, and that if you just follow 8 easy steps your life and afterlife will be hunky dory.

I'm not denying that He has an amazing plan for each of us. I am floored when I realize that God created me, amongst the billions on this planet, and prepared a destiny for me.

But that is not the meat of the Gospel. That is the icing on the cake. The truly amazing thing is that while I was dead in my sin, He rescued me. He came down and bore the just wrath of the Father for my sin before I even took my first breath.

And that's what the dancing lady at my church realizes. Her eyes are clearly open to her own sin and the extravagant grace that has been poured out upon her. I pray my eyes can be just as open.

Undignified

2010-12-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

So there's a lady at my church that I'm always a little bit embarrassed for.

She's a little too loud. And a little too flamboyant. And dresses a little too young for her age. And she praises a little off key and "amen"s a little too often and dances a little crazy.

And I always kind of wanted to shush her.

Until I heard her story.

How she was deeply addicted to drugs. And sold her body to buy them. And was estranged from her children. And how she nearly died in her pit.

Until she was amazingly, completely, totally delivered by God. How He drew her from the miry clay and set her feet upon a rock.

And I felt like Michal. Who was ashamed of David when he danced before the Lord as they returned the Ark to Jerusalem. And was barren.

And I repented and asked God to forgive me and not let me be barren in spirit because I was ashamed of someone else's joy and abandon before the Lord.

Hopefully I've learned my lesson, but I know that tendency is always there. To be critical of others because I am secretly jealous. Because I wish I could be that free in worship. I wish I could dance and not be concerned about what those around me think. But I always hold back.

Maybe when I'm old and gray I'll feel free to be the crazy lady who sings too loud because she knows the pit her Savior has drawn her from. But I really hope that day comes much sooner.

How did I not know about these things?

2010-12-14T11:12:00.000-08:00

So, I hate to shop. Really.

Philip will say, "Let's go to the mall."

And I'm all, "Why? What do we need to buy there?"

And he's like, "Nothing, I just want to look around."

"AAARRRGGGHHH!"

Seriously. Hate. Shopping.

So I do most of mine online. It allows me to combine two things I love: sitting on my butt and getting mail.

Well, apparently I've been missing out. My sister Emily told me yesterday about ebates.com. I could have been earning a quarterly rebate check for the things I buy anyway.

So, if you, like me, have been missing out on this cold, hard cash, just follow this link and sign up. It's wicked easy. Just go to the site and pick your store when you are ready to shop online. Shop like you normally do. Then get a check in the mail 4 times per year. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Another site I really like is Mamapedia. They have national daily deal and specific deals for your part of the country. Today I scored a 2 yr subscription to Family Fun magazine for only $10. Sweet gig, no?

More real blogging to follow when the kids are in bed, but I didn't know about this and wanted to save y'all some bucks!

Success

2010-12-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

We live in a strange world with skewed priorities.

I was speaking with a friend of mine the other day about our hopes and dreams for our kids. She was telling me how she hoped her children did well in school, went to good colleges, got great jobs and were happy. Which all sounds great. I mean, what kind of mom wouldn't want those things for her kids? We all want our kids to be happy and successful, right?

Except I wonder what gauge we are using to measure success - the world's or our Father's? Because I never see good grades as a prerequisite for godliness. I've never read that making money or getting an education are things we are called to. There is nothing wrong with getting a college education, to be sure. But are we insisting on measuring our children against the world's yardstick when we elevate book learning?

One hundred years ago a man could be a success without knowing much more than reading and writing. He could farm the land, love his kids and wife and serve his God and be considered a success. Because character and reputation were more important than money or knowledge (the Good Book says knowledge puffs up, but the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom).

But now we have added requirements for success. Standards that only suit a certain type of child, but are applied across the board.

I have one daughter who will be successful on the world's terms. Susannah loves to read, loves to write and loves to study. She's friendly and outgoing and easy.

And I have at least two kids who are quirky. Reading is not coming easily to them. They are kind and sweet and wildly creative. Nate loves stories and knows far more about history than most boys his age. Abigail is constantly making some new craft or invention to brighten our lives.

And I am saddened to know that if I hold them to the world's standards of success, they may fail to measure up. They may never have the 4.0 GPA.

But I can hold them to the Father's standards. I can teach them to follow Him wholeheartedly. To love people with His love and serve others. I can teach them to measure their success by their relationship to their Maker instead of on the false scales of academic achievement.

And if I can do that, I will have succeeded.

Make-it Monday: Sausage, beans and rice

2010-12-06T19:59:00.000-08:00

I made the most delicious meal tonight. Of course, my kids turned their noses up at it and told me it looked like snail slime. But hey, more for me!

Sausage, beans and rice

1 lb pork sausage (I used Whole Foods brand garlic and cracked pepper sausage)
2 cans kidney beans (red or white)
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 cup chicken stock
2 cups brown rice (I like brown jasmine)
4 cups water
1 tsp salt

Cut sausage into bite sized pieces. Brown in pan and drain.

Pour 2 cans beans into colander and rinse well. (This keeps you from being so gassy!). Add to crockpot or baking dish. Mix in chicken broth/stock, onion powder, garlic powder, and sausage. Cook in crockpot on low or oven on 200 for 6 hrs.

Cook brown rice with salt and water - I use a rice cooker as I always seem to burn it on the stove.

Add salt and pepper to the sausage/beans to taste. Spoon over rice and garnish with freshly chopped parsley.

This is also delicious with spinach or kale mixed in.

If you don't have anything to say.....

2010-12-01T15:01:00.000-08:00

Abigail is a real chatty Cathy. Last night she was lying on the bed next to me running her mouth nonstop. All sorts of randomness. Suddenly she stopped and looked at my quizzically. "Mama," she said, "I just love to talk. Sometimes I don't have anything to say. But I really just love talking."

After laughing my head off (which irritated the crap out of her - she is very sensitive to anyone laughing *at* her), I had a talk with her. About how even though I love to hear her voice, especially when she sings, I also enjoy quiet. And when we are constantly running our lips we cannot hear what others are saying.

Even God.

Because sometimes I am so busy rattling off my laundry list (why it is called a laundry list anyway? Who actually has a laundry list?) of prayer requests that I don't shut my pie hole and just listen to God. I love to talk so I miss out on real conversation. And I wonder why I walk away and I'm not changed.

Maybe I need a dose of my own "shut up for a second" medicine.

Who am I performing for?

2010-11-30T17:56:00.000-08:00

So these past few weeks have been frustrating. I have so many different people telling me so many different things about how to run my home and teach my children. Many of my friends have been chiding me about "doing too much" and telling me to take it easy, saying that the kids are fine and I don't need to worry.

Other friends and family have been telling me that my children are "behind" or "socially awkward" (I won't bother pointing out that we know our oldest is behind due to his dyslexia and are spending loads of time and money to help him. Nor shall I ascend my soapbox to pontificate ahout how homeschool is always assumed to be the cause of misbehavior by homeschoolers, but public school is never blamed for social awkwardness in its denizens.)

Another family member told me that he was concerned that homeschooling seemed to be more about my identity as a homeschooling mom than about what is best for my children.

Last night I was about ready to throw in the towel. Take the kids down to Glenn Harmon and enroll them today. Heck, Gabe qualifies for speech preschool 5 days a week, so I could just have the baby for two days a week and just Luke and Leah for 3. And with all the people on both sides telling me how I am failing, it might be a relief to shove off the responsibility on someone else. I fantasized about free time to sew, and clean house, and run errands with just a kid or two.

But I'm not ready to do that. In my heart I know that this is the path God has for our pfamily right now. Even though it would be easier to take the normal route, it is not what God has chosen for me. And I have to remind myself of who my audience is.

It's not my homeschooling friends. If at some point we decide to pursue other educational pathways for our kids I know some of my friends will think I have missed God's leading and will be disappointed in me.

It's not my friends or family that blame all my kids' issues on homeschooling. They do not have to answer to God for me.

It's the Lord. He alone is the One I have to answer to. The only One whose approval I should crave.

Now, it is wise to consider counsel. It is always prudent to take criticism to the Lord and ask Him if there is anything valid or applicable in it. But ultimately, we should be more in tune with His leading and His voice than the voices of the crowd.

dinner conversation

2010-11-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

Luke: Mama, how did the devil become the devil? (notice the middle finger of grammar)

Me: Umm. Well, God created the devil to be His most special angel. He was beautiful and had an important job leading the angels as they worshipped. But the devil got jealous of God and said, "Hey! I don't want to worship You, I want You to worship me!" And he got some of the other angels to rebel with him.
And then God said, "No way, Bubba Gump, and He cast the devil out of Heaven."

Nate: Mom, I think God probably used more holier language than "Bubba Gump."

The baby is glaring at me...

2010-11-28T23:34:00.000-08:00

from her swing. She wants me to pick her up and stare in her sweet little face and listen to her coos.

But I have to plan our lessons for this week, so her siblings don't grow up to be ignorant morons. Sigh... freaking priorities.

We had a good trip and I had a lot of time in the car (only 29 hrs, actually) to think. I have some ideas rumbling around to share with all y'all.

But right now I must plan for the week and hit the hay. Hopefully in that order.

Off to see the wizard.

2010-11-21T08:09:00.001-08:00

No, not really. But we are heading out on our trip. We had originally planned to just go to Tulsa like we do every T-giving. But dh's grandma is doing poorly, so we are heading to St Louis first.

I know you are all jealous of me, getting to spend 30+ hrs in the car with 5 small children and a newborn. You'll just have to live with the pain.

Be back in 6 days - smooch!

Things I Learned from Harry Potter

2010-11-19T20:23:00.000-08:00

1. I have a studly husband who watched the kids so I could go see Harry Potter tonight. Thanks, honey!

2. England is super cool looking and I want to move there, now. And those accents, ***swoon***.

3. The scene where Ron destroys the locket horcrux is so powerful. What a vivid picture of our battle with the enemy. Ron knows he must destroy the horcrux, but a voice speaks from the swirling mist and lies to him. It tells him that it knows his secrets and plays on them to destroy Ron's confidence. Ron begins to waver, but Harry shouts that the voice is lying. Finally Ron charges forward and annihilates the horcrux.

Isn't this how the enemy works in our own lives? We know what we must do. We see the sin that so easily besets us and don't want to be conquered by it. But the enemy lies to us and we can become entranced and duped by those lies if we don't have the voice of Truth shouting in our ears (be it the Word or friends who speak Truth). Ultimately though, it is not our friends' job to silence the enemy. It is ours alone.

May we all be empowered by the Holy Spirit to destroy the enemy that desires to ensnare us.

4. I also discovered that I am a giant sap since I totally cried when Dobby died.

Numbering our days

2010-11-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

I've been following the story of two classmates of mine, Chad and Ryan Arnold, from Oral Roberts University. You can read their story here.

It's a heartbreaking story. One brother was dying. His younger brother offered to be a living liver donor (the liver regenerates, so it can be split between the donor and the recipient). The surgery went well for the receiving brother, but the donor died a few days later.

As I was scrolling through the comment section I was amazed at some of the terrible things people wrote. That it was a waste of life, and selfish of the donating brother (he left behind a wife and three small children).

I was shocked. Because none of us is promised even one more breath. This life is a vapor, a wisp, and it will be gone for every single one of us before we know it. Unless we are the generation that takes the Great Commission to all peoples and the Lord returns, we will all taste death.

Ryan Arnold gave his life for his brother. He did not know he would die, but he knew it was a real risk. And he chose to act sacrificially. My death could be meaningless. I could get hit by a runaway car walking to the mailbox in the morning. And it would just be a tragic accident. No one would get a second chance at life.

My point here is not to be maudlin. It is to say that we would be wise to ask God, like the psalmist, for the wisdom to "number our days aright." We don't know when "that day" will be for any of us. But we know it is coming, sure as sunrise follows the night.

We might not get the chance to witness to that co-worker again. To hug that child or make that phone call or right that wrong. To forgive that hurt or take that first step of faith. So let us all live every day as if it is our last.

Sin is costly

2010-11-17T22:41:00.000-08:00

So today we were crabby. The kids were wound up and grouchy and I was restless. So we did the only smart thing we could do. We went to the park. Usually the outdoor air and sunshine do us a great deal of good.

I decided to be extra sweet and drive the kids 30 minutes to their absolute favorite park over in Benbrook. We played for an hour or so and everyone was having a great time. It was very windy though, and as the afternoon wore on, it was getting pretty chilly. I was cold and Leah was cold so I gave the kids a warning that we'd be leaving in 10 to 15 minutes.

At which point Abigail had a meltdown. Screaming, crying, flailing on the ground meltdown. I instructed her to get a grip or we would have to leave immediately. She continued to scream and screech at the top of her lungs. I tried to pick her up to calm her down and she began to beat at me with her fists.

So we loaded up the car and left.

All the other kids were mad because they didn't think that Abby's misbehavior should cost them.

But that's the way sin is. My sin doesn't just penalize me. It hurts the people around me too. Everyone in our family pays when one of us chooses to disobey. Maybe it would help me avoid sin if I would decrease the navel-gazing and look around to contemplate how my disobedience may cost the ones I love.

Have I told you how much I love my tub?

2010-11-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

Well, not mine exactly. I mean, I'm a little big for it.

But I got this baby tub with Gabe and it just rocks.

True, most of the time I just bathe Leah in the tub with me, but she's getting more head control and really loves the water. So I whipped out the washpod today and she was so happy. She was smiling a bunch, but her smiles are brief and hard to capture.

God is a better parent than I am

2010-11-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

I lost my wedding ring a while back. (I'm sure it is in the house somewhere, but I just can't seem to find it.) Then I lost my cell phone last week. I was getting really frustrated with my penchant for losing things when a couple of my friends asked if I had prayed and asked the Lord where my ring and phone were.

I smiled and said that I thought God would just like me to get my act together and stop losing things.

Because my daughter Abigail had just lost her glasses (4 days after I bought them for her). And we didn't pray about them. I just got angry and fumed at her.

And I tend to think God parents me like I parent my kids. Like God gets tired of me pestering Him for things I should be responsible for. Like He runs short on patience and wants some "Him" time. Like He gets frustrated teaching me the same lesson over and over and over.

But He is not a parent made in my image.

He is slow to anger, and abounding in patience. He doesn't need alone time. He wants me to come to Him. Often.

I need to sit at His feet and read the Word more. So I can understand what kind of parent He is and be made into His image. Instead of making my faults into His character.

just another reason grammar and spelling are important

2010-11-14T16:10:00.000-08:00

Oops!

2010-11-14T13:55:00.000-08:00

So I know I promised to blog every day. Well, last night I came home from work, lay down in my room to nurse Leah and fell asleep. But, to be fair, I did blog in my sleep. I'm not kidding! In my dream I wrote the most awesome, epiphany-filled blog entry. But I could not remember for the life of me what it was about when I woke up. Kind of like the time I invented a card game called Margaritaville in my sleep and made a boatload of money. When I woke up I couldn't remember the rules to my super awesome game either. Sigh....

So here is another picture of the World's Cutest Baby to make up for my early napping.

In which I practice great self control in Target

2010-11-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

Just a funny story for today.

Yesterday I was at Target with Leah and the older three kids. Leah was riding tummy to tummy in a ring sling. She is obsessed with looking up at the ceiling fans, lights and sparkly faux ornaments at Target. I had my hand behind her head, supporting it, though she has quite a bit of head control already.

Out of nowhere this stranger runs up, grabs my hand and pushes it up, shouting "Oh my goodness, you have to support her head! Is this your first baby?"

I was quiet for a minute and said, "No, she's actually my sixth."

The lady stares at me and says, "Oh, well didn't they teach you that?"

I just glared at her until she walked away.

At which point Nate turns to me and says, "I'm really proud of you, Mommy, for not slapping her. She was an idiot."

All y'all are so smart!

2010-11-11T20:59:00.000-08:00

So, today, per the advice of all you smarty pantses(?) I took a day off. Ish. Well, as much as one can take a day off with kids. We ran errands, bought a dishwasher (yeah!) and chilled out. My dad and stepmom came over tonight and we played games. I may do this a few more times in the next week or so because it was good for my soul.

And now I'm going to bed.

Margin

2010-11-10T14:01:00.001-08:00

I'm overwhelmed today. The house is a wreck. I have a fever again and my axillary lymph nodes are huge. Mastitis again? Maybe. It seems like as soon as I think I'm getting my mojo back I get sick. Grrr.

I'm beginning to see the wisdom in what my homebirth friends do. Their midwife makes them stay in bed for the first three days. Then they can get up briefly for the next 2 wks. But mostly they are to eat and nurse. And that's it.

Maybe I should have done that. And maybe I wouldn't be so tired two months later. Because right now I just want to crawl in bed (if I can scale the piles of clothes in my bedroom floor) for a day or two.

But I felt like I had to bounce back from birth/surgery like it never happened. Because it's what people expect of me. I'm the one who's supposed to have it all together, right? I feel like if I admit that I'm drowning it will mean that I was a moron. That the people who told me that I am crazy and can't really mother all these kids well were right. That I've bitten off far more than I can chew.

But does it really mean that? Or does it mean that for this season I need some help?

A problem I'm finding is that people have more good intentions than they do time. And by "people" I mean myself as well. I intend to have a clean house and do all sorts of awesome things with the kids. I intend to do amazing crafts and cook all natural foods and sew a ton of neato clothes for them. I intend to teach my kids to be servants by helping others in our church.

But I don't have time to do all the things I want to do. Is it because instead of looking to the Father and obeying, I have looked at all the things others do and assumed that to be a good Christian mom I must do them too? Is it because I've looked at the world and adopted their standards for my kids' needs (sports, instruments, activities)? Is it because I have mistaken folks' online identities for reality? (Because it's easy to look shiny perfect on the internet). I think I need more margin.

I need to have a schedule that doesn't have us running 24 hrs a day. I need free time so I can respond to the Holy Spirit's leading and help others, whether it's by babysitting or cooking or running a few errands for someone else. When I am doing so much stuff (even good stuff) that I cannot help someone out, I am not where God wants me to be.

We do far less in our family than many others do. Partly because we have a lot of kids, and partly by design. I want my kids to see that margin is not optional. It is necessary. There are so many good things we could be doing. But when I start seeing people as distractions, instead of my purpose, something has to change.

On the lighter side - guess who's two months old?

2010-11-09T15:53:00.000-08:00

Miss Leah Claire!

Sometimes I am just amazed. I sooooo don't deserve a baby this sweet. God is amazing - His plans for us are so much bigger and better than we could ever imagine.

As far as my other goals this week? Well, I DID get out of bed with the alarm this morning. But as I was shaving my legs the power went out. Just came back on a little while ago. So we adjourned to the backyard most of the day and enjoyed the sunshine. 68 degrees! Woot!

I will do my quiet time tonight, but first dh and I have a hot date to go get a new dishwasher. Because ours has turned into a dishdirtier. And that's not good.

Coming clean

2010-11-08T08:52:00.000-08:00

First off. Accountability time. I totally snoozed the alarm clock this morning because the kids were still sleeping and frankly I need the rest. But I did do my Bible study. I started the Beth Moore study "Breaking Free" last year but got derailed by major morning (read "all day") sickness and didn't finish it. So I got the audio CD's and I'm going to work through this. I'm so psyched, anticipating how God will move me to a new level of freedom in Him.

But that's not what I want to talk about today.

A dear friend at church is struggling with forgiveness. A family member of hers has sinned in such terrible way that their entire family is being affected. He will go to jail. His wife will have to sell their home and go back to work. Their children will have to go to school since mom will not be home to teach. His sweet little girl has had her innocence taken from her by her own father, the one she should have been able to trust. This man's sin is devastating his family.

We talked about how the situation could have been prevented. We wondered who he could have turned to in the beginning, when the sin was just a seedling, a tiny sprout of temptation. But even though we are ALL sinners, there are some sins the Church does not talk about.

Which brings me to my story.

Some of y'all know this already, but I was a drug addict.

I realize that according to Narcotics Anonymous, I will always be a drug addict, but I reject this idea. I think it reduces the magnitude of Christ's redemptive work to say that my sin is my identity. Addict is who I was. Tamara, God's clean, redeemed, whole daughter is who I am.

After Nate was born, I was working in postpartum/antepartum at a large teaching hospital. I was the charge nurse at night, and part of my duties included going through the narcotics cabinet and discarding outdated narc bags for our PCA's. One day I took a bag home in my pocket. Not sure why. Was I lonely? Tired? Stupid? And I injected it into my blood stream. I was hooked.

Over the next four years I descended into a crazy spiral. I'd steal drugs, and then feel terribly guilty. I would repent and promise myself and God that it would never happen again. Until it did. My husband knew something was up. But he didn't know what it was.

And I was sure I had it under control. If I just prayed harder or had more willpower I would be free. I didn't feel like there was anyone I could confide in. I mean, drug addiction? Stealing? Those aren't things that good girls do. Not things that ORU grads do. Not things that loving moms with small children and houses in the suburbs do. So I kept trying to fight it on my own.

And failed.

Until I got caught.

I was working at a new job after Abigail was born. Only my second day on the job. I had sworn to myself that I absolutely would not start stealing drugs again. I'd been clean through pregnancy, so surely this wouldn't be a problem again, right?

Until it was. And I found myself caught. The nurse manager and charge nurse were coming down the hall and asking me to take a drug test. And I started to sob and confessed.

And felt so free. The process of restoration was hard. The discipline of the Lord is never easy, but it is good. I lost my job. I went to rehab, leaving my 12 wk old baby, my toddler and my preschooler. My marriage suffered greatly. I wondered if we would all make it through intact. I had to go through a 2 yr peer counseling program to retain my nursing license.

But God was faithful. Even when I was not. Today, those days of addiction and craziness seem so far removed. I can't even imagine willfully heading back that direction. I am so grateful for being caught before the consequences were greater. I thank God that while I was acting like a complete freaking idiot, He was still watching out for me. I had been shooting up at work. I drove my car high. I cared for my kids while drugged and somehow had convinced myself that I was a better mom because the drugs made me function so great. At least in my head. But I could have killed someone. And I am grateful every day that my story didn't end with me in jail, having ruined or ended someone's life.

And I didn't want to share this with anyone for a long time. Because it's embarrassing. Because I knew better. Because good Christian girls just don't do things like that.

But the longer we keep silent about our temptations the more they grow. And when we only confess bullshit sins like "I care too much about other people" or "I'm too much of a perfectionist" we won't grow. Honesty is what we desperately need in the Church. Who are we fooling? We walk around like we aren't all sinners who need redemption. Like my filthy rags of sin aren't as disgusting at the next guy's.

So what can we do as a Church? How can we help each other be honest?

Faith-full

2010-11-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

First off, I want to say thanks to my tens of readers for their undeserved compliments. All y'all just warm my heart. (Yes, Mom, I am a real Texan. I said "all y'all" - and last week I bought gold shoes. Scary, no?)

Second, I was really tempted to not blog today just to be an object lesson from yesterday about not being Supermom.

But I noticed something today in church that got me thinking. There was a typo up on the screen during one of the songs. (Yes, I am a bit AR and notice these things). The screen read "faithfull" instead of "faithful". Which caused me to ponder.

When I think of the fruit of the Spirit, I always think of faithfulness sort of like loyalty or consistency. But what if it also means being full of faith? And what if that is really the same thing?

It requires faith to trust that as I am consistent in the daily things God will be faithful to fulfill His promises to me. So I guess I need to be both faithful (loyal, consistent) and faith-full (trusting, expecting).

May not be a news flash to anyone else, but I thought is was kind of interesting. Hope y'all had a restful Sabbath and are empowered to take on the week. This week I am working on our morning routine, so I will be reporting daily on my progress towards reestablishing good habits. I am committing to be out of bed at 7 each morning and will be consistent in my quiet time. Harass me please and ask if I'm behaving!

I'm not Supermom.

2010-11-06T18:37:00.001-07:00

Comments I often hear:

"Whoa! I could NOT handle that many kids."
"I could not handle homeschooling - I would kill them."
"You have that many kids and you still work part time? You must be Supermom."

The truth is, I am NOT Supermom. There are days when I wonder what the HECK I was thinking. Days when I want to drop them off at the nearest school and go get a pedicure. And a glass of wine. I often feel inadequate.

But remember a chapel speaker at ORU saying "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." And I KNOW He has called me. I had my first female surgery at age 16 and didn't know if I would ever carry a child. But His Word says, "He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD." (Ps 113:9) And He has been so faithful in doing just that.

So why would He fail now? The only failure is in my lack of belief in His sustenance.

He has promised me all sufficient grace (II Cor. 12:9).

He has promised to lead me (Is. 40:11).

He has promised that my children will be taught of Him and have great peace (Is. 54:13)

So even though I joke when asked how I "do it all" (which I don't, seriously, you have not seen my bathroom!) that I function on equal parts Jesus and caffeine, the truth is that any goodness in me comes directly from Him. And the only way any of us can fulfill our calling well is through Him. By daily crying out to Him and trusting that He will provide what we need to excel.

The truth is that I don't have to be Supermom, because I have a super God. And I'm not trusting in my sufficiency, I'm leaning wholly on His.

making babies

2010-11-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have friends with lots of kids. And I mean LOTS of kids. One friend has 15, one has 13, one has 11. Many of my friends have families that fall on the larger end of the modern spectrum. 4, 5 or 6 kids is a normal sized family amongst my friends.

Many of them follow the quiverfull movement, a movement that eschews any kind of contraception. They believe that we should give complete control of our wombs to God, an idea which sounds perfect in theory, but can break down in practice when we assume that ceding control means total inaction.

We always intended to have a large family.

But after Nate (severe PIH, gained 30 lb of fluid in the last week, kidneys failed, was induced and delivered a floppy, grey baby 4 wks early - thankfully he perked up quickly), people told us we should stop. I wondered if I could ever go through that again. I wondered if it would be foolish to try again.

And yet, I knew God had put it in my heart to bear more children. So we tried again. Had Susannah (preterm labor at 31 wks, PROM at 33 wks, delivery with chorioamnionitis at 34 wks), and then Abigail (PROM at 33 wks with a transverse lie, emergency c/s, chorioamnionitis again, NICU).

Everyone thought we were nuts when we got pg with Luke. But I did better (36 wk c/s) and then with Gabe I actually went term (38.5 wks, 2 cm separation in uterus, c/s, high blood pressure). My parents begged us to get a tubal. But we held on to what God had put in our hearts.

And had beautiful Leah by c/s at 35 wks. And a tubal ligation. Because I have people here who need me. And a big God who can grow my family by adoption too. And there is a difference between reacting out of fear and acting out of prayerful prudence.

My point is, go to the Father and then just obey. Yes, the world's view on children is skewed. The Church has embraced this view and even many Christians see children as a burden instead of a blessing. But that doesn't mean we are spiritually obligated to pop out as many children as we possibly can. It means we need to see kids with God's heart, cheerfully accept the ones He brings into our lives and obey Him. The point is to yield. To be putty in His hands. It's not a contest to see who can collect the most kids.

I have friends who have born children at great risk to their lives, and I worry about the children who may be left motherless if they choose to bear another child. But on the opposite end of that spectrum I had an elder at our old church tell us that God doesn't care how many kids we have. That our childbearing choices (other than abortion) are no more important to the Father than the color of the car we drive. And I think they are both off base. We need not be foolish when our bodies are screaming to stop. But children are a blessing, and we will advance the kingdom of God as we raise godly seed. So ending our fruitfulness on a whim of personal preference seems just as foolish. We must be very prayerful about any decision of this magnitude and make sure our hearts and motivations are clean before altering God's design for our bodies.

I don't want to be labeled "quiverfull" though I certainly believe I have a full quiver. I want to be clay in His hands, submitting wholly to His will.

Homeschooling, special needs, preschool and punching friends

2010-11-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have a lot on my plate. (And if I ever forget this, I'm sure a stranger will remind me that I "sure have my hands full" next time I go to Costco). This is our fourth year of homeschooling. Last year was the first year that I really felt like we hit our stride. Of course, having Leah right at the beginning of this school year kind of threw a wrench into the works, but we are slowly getting back on track.

Our oldest son, Nate, is dyslexic. He is 10 and reads on a first grade level. For the first two years that we homeschooled (and the year he went to public K) I beat my head against the wall trying to teach him to read. We tried so many curriculums and strategies. Finally, last year he was tested at Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children and diagnosed with dyslexia. Since then we have made a lot of progress towards reading well. But Nate still needs a lot of help.

Abigail shows some of the same tendencies that Nate did at that age. After over a year of phonics instruction she still does not recognize all of her letters. So I anticipate that she may need reading help as well.

Our two little boys, Luke and Gabe, both have severe speech delays. (Can I tell you how much I cried when Gabriel finally said, "I love you, Mama" for the first time last week?) They attend walk-in speech therapy at the local public school twice a week, but it was recommended that Gabe attend full time speech preschool.

There's only one me. And with a new baby, I am limited. So we made the prayerful decision to enroll Luke and Gabe in preschool two days a week. It will help with their speech issues and give me more time to intensely focus on schooling the older three, especially Nate and Abby.

But do you know what some of my homeschooling friends said? They were appalled that we would send our babies away. Even for 10 hrs a week. "If God wanted our babies to be put in school they would be born in classrooms instead of families," one of them sniffed. And I wanted to punch the stupid out of her. In Christian love, of course.

You see, Philip and I are homeschooling right now because we have prayed and believe it is the best thing for our family and our children. But that may change later. Some of our kids may go to private school or even (gasp) public school. It depends on what God tells us each child needs.

Because we are not disciples of the homeschool movement.

We are disciples of Christ. And our educational goals for our children are simple. We want them to be well-rounded, well-read, capable servants of Christ who have the skills they need to succeed at the calling He has placed on their lives. Homeschooling is not the goal, it is the method that we are using right now on our path to raising our little ones to love and serve Him.

Breaking the box habit

2010-11-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

Our sweet Luke was out of control. We were noticing crazy behaviors out of him. Things you would not expect from a 4 yr old - screeching, fit throwing, hyperactivity, etc. We did not know what to do.

After some prayer, I was led to look at Luke's diet. I decided to remove artificial colors and preservatives from his diet. Which meant moving to an almost completely "from scratch" way of cooking. I like to cook so this didn't seem too bad.

Except for breakfast. We were addicted to the box. Of cereal, that is. And even the healthy cereals have BHT and other chemicals in them. And most are LOADED with sugar.

So I have embarked upon a journey to ban the box from our house.

Last week I made 20 dozen muffins (pumpkin chocolate chip, double chocolate, applesauce, whole wheat English muffins, and whole wheat scones). Got them in the freezer with 8 loaves of applesauce bread. So each morning I take some out, microwave them for 20 seconds or so and the kids slather them with butter. Mmm!

I also made a 2 gallons of applesauce and 1 gallon of granola. This should last us a couple weeks.

This morning I made whole wheat tortillas and we ate them with butter and cinnamon sugar. We also had yogurt. And even though the kids are sick and crabby, they aren't acting crazy.

I purchased some ebooks from The Heavenly Homemaker and I'm really enjoying learning to cook REAL FOOD that doesn't involve cans of chemical laden crap.

Here are a few pics of my newly fixed and stocked deep freeze (notice the 12 freezer meals too! Woot!)

And just for fun, this is what happens when you don't clean off your counters before starting the crockpot. Oops!

So, please, spam me with your favorite make-ahead breakfast recipes.

I'm BAAAACK!

2010-11-02T11:14:00.001-07:00

So, you may be wondering where I disappeared to. For almost a year. Well, life got crazy.

I had a miscarriage.

Then got pregnant again. And was freaky tired. For months. And barfing.

And then I severed tendons in my fingers. And couldn't type.

Then I worked.

And then I had a gorgeous, amazing, adorable, all-around perfect baby girl. Five weeks early. So she eats. A lot. And all night.

But now she's almost 2 months old and I'm back. I promise to write SOMETHING every day this month. I DON'T promise that it will be awesome. But I'll try.

And here's my sweet girl.

France & Germany

2010-02-10T08:43:00.002-08:00

For France, we had a picnic with friends in the backyard, complete with baguettes, butter, grapes, cheese, apples, chocolate and sparkling cider. We had crepes several times during the 2 weeks we spent in France. We loved them so much we now eat them regularly for lunch. We made croque monsieur for supper one night and quiche with chocolate mousse another night. The kids loved France. They would like to move there.

But again, my pics disappeared into the netherworld.

We loved the German food as well. We made chicken paprikash (Hungarian, I know) with spaetzle, but that's a normal menu item for us. So to go "all out" and have real German food, we made jaegershnitzel. It was amazing. But crazy time-consuming. And not waistline friendly. As my kids would say, "It is a sometimes food, not an all-the-time food."

Norway

2010-02-10T07:21:00.000-08:00

For Norway, we celebrated St Lucia's day. We made peperkakor cookies and the girls dressed in St. Lucia costumes (yes, as a matter of fact, those are pillowcases with holes cut for the arms).

We had a feast of dilled fish, potato dumplings and lefse. The lefse and fish were awesome.

The dumplings were like grey, slimy balls of nasty. Avoid at all costs!

Brazil

2010-02-09T09:44:00.001-08:00

My friend Melanie and her kids came over for our G-rated Brazilian Carnivale. We made brigadeiro, arroz branco, bohnilo de quiejo and frango assado from this site. They were pretty good. The chicken was a little gooey. I like my wings crispy, so I would use much less liquid next time. But the candies were a hit. The kids colored pictures and made Carnivale masks and flutes.

But somehow I los the pictures.

Since I spent a summer in Venezuela in high school, we also took a day trip there and made empanadas.

Mexico

2010-02-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

So, I'm a little behind here. After studying the good ol' US of A, we moved on to Mexico (in September). We made tamales, dulce de leche bars and a pinata. My sister and her boys joined us for our "fiesta grande".

First, the pinata:
Tip #1 - Mix cinnamon into your paper maiche. It will smell less like a bowl of sick.

Tip #2 - Brooms help for painting.

Tip #3 - Consider how you will hang the pinata before it is painted and dry. We used ribbon.

The kids had a blast smacking the tar out of it.

The tamales were great. Got the recipe here: www.crockpot365.blogspot.com. The kids were really interested in making them. Until about the 3rd one. Then they ran off. They turned out really good. You will need to rotate them at some point. The ones on the bottom of our pot burned.

We made dulce de leche in the crockpot too (cans of sweetened condensed milk, covered with water, cooked on low for 8 hrs.) We spread the dulce de leche on a cinnamon graham cracker crust. Mmm.

The kids made "rope art" and tissue paper flower decorations.
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Funny

2010-02-08T15:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've been gone so long. I have a ton of stuff to post, just been short on time. (Imagine that, the kids sucking up all my time...) Here's a funny of Gabe:

All American Root Beer Cookies

2009-09-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

So, our last two weeks were spent in the good ol' USA. Most of the suggested foods were either things we eat on a regular basis or Native American dishes we ate last year when we studied them. So, since Mommy was also courting full on PMS, we made cookies. Root Beer cookies. Mmm. They were VERY rich.

The kids liked them okay, but I realized I would eat them all. So I gave them to our sweet Korean neighbors.

We made them again with peppermint extract instead of root beer extract. And we added Andes mint chips. And didn't frost them. And they rocked. I think this will be our new chocolate chip cookie recipe. The only problem is that they cook VERY fast. So you really have to watch them.

Yesterday we left the States (virtually) for Mexico. I promised the kids we would make tamales and a pinata. Intercession is welcome.

He's got the whole world....

2009-09-15T10:38:00.001-07:00

on a cake!

The kids and I are embarking on a trip around the world this year. The kids all have faux passports and as we travel we will add stickers to the passports for each country. One of our first projects was to make a map of the world - on a cake. We made a wonderful chocolate mint cookie cake. I discovered that freehanding a map of the world is harder than you would think. I wasn't intending to be so egocentric and have North America so large, but I started on the left and went right. So Asia got squished. And then eaten. Nate insisted that we use sprinkles for the major mountain ranges to it would be a physical map.

Recipe:

2 boxes chocolate cake mix
2 eggs
1 cup oil
1/4 cup water

Mix together. It will be quite thick.

Add 1 bag Andes mint chips.

Pat into a large greased jelly roll pan.

Bake at 350 for 15 minutes.

Cool and ice as desired.

What happened...

2009-09-15T08:36:00.000-07:00

to my wee Gabey's hair? He used to have soft, fine, straight hair.

Then, in the last few months, he has turned into 'FRO BOY! Look at these curls! Daddy says God gave him curls so he can play Keith Green when Daddy does the remake of "No Compromise" in 20 years.

Nate's New Glasses

2009-09-14T19:43:00.001-07:00

Cute, eh?

My studmuffin!

2009-09-14T18:13:00.000-07:00

This is my man.

I've been thinking about how I treat my husband. I've been reading two really good books lately (Love and Respect and For Women Only - both highly recommended) and been convicted about how I talk about and treat my honeybun, especially in public or in front of the kids.

To be honest, sometimes he acts like an idiot. He's human, just like me, and I sometimes act like an idiot too. We're both sinners, saved by grace, and it's no surprise when we act like fools.

But my reaction to his failings (which are few - he is a fantastic dad and partner), is not what it should be. It's like I don't want anyone to think I'm approving his behavior or that I think what he's doing is okay. So I frown and purse my lips and make a show of my disapproval. Just so everyone knows that I agree with their assessments.

And sometimes, it's not really a failing or a sin that makes me cringe. It's just that he's being dorky. Or silly. Or trying that atrocious British accent in public. Or just basically not me. And I still want to disengage. To let others know that I'm really not WITH him. That I know he's being a dork.

But that's not what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be his helper, his cheerleader, his encourager and biggest fan. Even when he's being a dork. Who cares what others think? Am I more worried about their opinions or the those of my God and my man?

So from now on, I stand by my man. Horrid accent and all.

2009-09-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

Susannah wrote this lovely little song. Do we have a wee Chris Tomlin on our hands?

The zoo, the zoo, the zoo is on fire!

2009-05-20T13:54:00.001-07:00

So I've been busy for a few months, but I'm back now. And I did promise pics of the fire shirts, so here we are:

These pics are from a zoo trip in May. We really got good use from our Dallas Zoo passes the last couple years, but we're checking out the FW Zoo this year instead.

Apparently, I'm awesome.

2009-05-07T09:12:00.001-07:00

I think I'm a pretty decent cook. I try hard to serve my family tasty, nutritious meals. Heck, I grind my own wheat for bread. Well, apparently, last night I outdid myself. As we were eating, my eight year old proclaims, "Mommy! You are the most amazingest, most beautifulest, most wonderful woman in the whole world. All the daddies in the world should WISH they'd married you."

What, you ask, inspired this praise?

That's right. Jiffy freaking Corn Muffins. Sigh...

(Pics of the Fire shirts are coming. Just can't find the camera. Again.)

What is it going to take

2009-05-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

For God to get through to us? I keep living my life like a normal American, comsumed with the busyiness of life. Sure, I do few things I feel honor God. You know, we say grace, we read the Bible, we go to church, we try not to swear. Heck, we even school our kids at home so we can teach them about Him.

But am I really all that different? When are we going to come to the place where we really change it all up? Where we reject the consumerism that binds us and run wholeheartedly after God. Where we start getting rid of things and debt and every sin that so easily entangles us and start visbly showing His love to the people around us.

I came across this today and was just floored. How can you look at those faces and not have your heart be broken? The kids and I are going tonight to find a Compassion child to sponsor. And we are going to see what we can do to free up money in our budget to sponsor more.

What do you call.....

2009-04-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

a girl who loves to cut everything with scissors?

A Cliptomaniac!

Cowboy roundup meal and tie dye shirts, part one

2009-04-30T21:57:00.001-07:00

So here are the Ocean tie dyed shirts. After washing, I remembered that last year's shirts were much brighter when we left them overnight. Oh well. I do like the colors though. The kids would NOT sit still for a picture, so here we are:

Then we had our Cowboy Round Up meal. It was nasty muddy outside, so we ate at the table instead of our fake campfire in the backyard. We talked about cowboy clothing and why the cowboys wore bandanas. I gave them a hint, "It's something that bothered you at t-ball practice the other night." (I was looking for "mosquitos" or "bugs"). Abby starts frantically frantically waving her hand, "I know, their tags were itchy!!!!" What??

MENU:
Baked Beans
BBQ Brisket
Biscuits

The kids liked their meal and afterwards we took them for a walk around the neighborhood with their ponies. Daddy showed them how to poke an ant hill with their stick ponies. You know, 'cause that's a life skill.

Daddy was a good sport too:

We'll wear the Fire t's tomorrow.

Tie Dye

2009-04-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

I love watching the Duggar family on TV. Nate says, "Mom, we should totally have that many kids - it would ONLY be 13 more." Gulp.

Nate's wishful thinking aside, I really do admire this family. I just finished their book and got some great tips for parenting a large family. One thing that I've noticed is that when they go out as a group, they wear matching clothes. This makes it easier for Mommy and Daddy to keep track of everyone.

Well, because we are such a PFUN pfamily, we can't just do matching clothes. We have to make our own TIE DYE matching clothes. Last year we did two sets, brights and camo. This year we changed it up a bit.

This is the dye kit we used.

The dye bottles inside look like this. You just mix with water.

Start with your plain white cotton shirt (don't use cruddy poly/cotton).

Get it wet, and wring it out. Pinch the middle and let the rest hang down. Apply rubber bands and 2-3 inch intervals (see the shirts on the sides above).

Apply the dye. Really squeeze it down in there, as it is going through many layers of cloth. We called these "Fire":

And these "Ocean":

Cover with trash bags and let the dye set for 6-8 hrs. Clip off the rubber bands and throw the shirts into the washing machine. Wash 2-3 times until the water is clear.

Free tips:
#1 Use better gloves than the ones that come in the kit. My hands look terrible.
#2 For super bright dye, leave overnight before rinsing.
#3 Do not use the sorry cheapo trashbags to protect your counter. They don't (protect). Use the Hefty's.

Tomorrow I'll show you the finished products! And we are celebrating the end of our horse unit with a cowboy roundup! (We are forgoing the suggested backyard bonfire. I don't think our neighbors would appreciate us burning down their houses.)

What we do in our free time

2009-04-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

Family Rule Phylacteries

2009-04-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

Today we read Deuteronomy 11:18, "Fix these words of Mine in your hearts and minds, tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads." We discussed the difference between being a Pharisee (just making an outward show of following God) and being a true disciple (hiding God's Word in your heart). We then came up with some family rules and made phylacteries with them.

The kids liked wearing them on their hands.

Anna sang us a song about the rules. She likes to sing.

A horse is a horse

2009-04-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

Our next topic of study in our obedience unit is horses. We are reading "King of the Wind" by Marguerite Henry. Today we made stick horses out of paper bags and newspaper.

Later, we taped them onto the kids' bikes and rode our "horses" around the neighborhood. Yes, folks stared at us. We are used to it.

Can you say "petulant 3 year old"?

Studying light

2009-04-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

We've made several fun projects during the first two weeks of our Konos study of light and authority.

We made a lighthouse. We talked about how God gives us authorities (governments, teachers, parents, etc) to help guide us from danger. We affirmed God's Word as the one immovable, totally trustworthy "lighthouse" in our lives.:

(I googled "building a model lighthouse" and you would not BELIEVE the crazy instructions I found. Who needs to build a two story lighthouse in your backyard? Are you deterring ships?)

We built a lantern and walked around in the dark. We talked about how God's Word sheds light on our immediate path and we need to trust that He will give us the light we need, when we need it. Looking too far ahead can cause fear, we need to simply trust and walk in the light He gives us now.

And finally, we made our own candles and enjoyed a candlelight supper. Philip said this was wicked messy and asked for Konos' address so he could send them a "thank you for giving my wife messy ideas" card.

First, I chopped up a block of paraffin:

Then we broke up crayons and added them for color:

We melted the crayons and paraffin over a double boiler (note, if you desire trying this: do not use the pan you plan on using for supper that night.) We also added some peppermint essential oil.:

We took empty one quart milk cartons and placed wicks in the center. We added ice cubes and some random other broken crayons (the kids wanted polka dots in their candles):

We poured in the wax. This was very messy. A funnel would have helped. A lot.

When they were solid, we peeled off the cartons:

Then we enjoyed our candles at dinner. It was neat when they burned low, as the light flickered through the holes created by the ice cubes.

Now we are moving on to our study of horses. Lots o' fun! More projects to come in the future!

Completed!

2009-04-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

Doesn't it feel good to accomplish something? In late January I began running and doing Weight Watchers. This past Sunday I completed my first half marathon. Can I tell you how fantastic it was to run across the finish line? To hear the cheering and cowbells? Super awesome!

And I've lost almost a Gabriel sized amount of weight. I was thinking, as we walked/ran, how much harder it would have been with this little guy on my back:

Overlooking an insult

2009-03-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

Recently, one of the children's verses for the week was Proverbs 12:16, "A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult." I talked with the kids for a while about how we need to have thick skin. We need to ignore little annoyances and not be so touchy.

Later, I was contemplating the same verse. I thought about how some parenting books advocate a zero tolerance approach to back talk and disobedience. While I certainly believe in training your children to speak respectfully and obey immediately, I wonder if our haste to nip things in the bud can sometimes cause us to miss the root issue.

For example, Nate is having difficulty controlling his temper at times. He gets upset and doesn't know how to handle his emotions. He begins to get angry and has a tendency to back talk when I redirect him towards calming behaviors. Sometimes it really hacks me off when he sasses me and I'm tempted to respond with anger to his rude remarks. This can quickly escalate into a yelling match, making me feel like I have an 8 yr old teenager. I let my wounded pride and desire for respect from my children control my behavior.

I think the prudent thing for me to do is overlook the remarks (for now) and get to the root problem. He feels out of control with his emotions and needs help learning how to exercise self-control. I need to learn to not take things personally. I need to calmly and rationally help him instead of getting offended. Sometimes the punishment mentality muddies our effectiveness as parents. We are looking so closely at the behaviors we *need* to punish that we fail to see our kids as coheirs with Christ who need our help and guidance more than our snap judgements.

I think I need to pray more that God would help me see my kids' hearts and get to the root of their behaviors. I don't want to focus so much on the little stuff that I miss the big picture.

Too smart?

2009-03-31T09:54:00.000-07:00

Daddy, "Nate, did you hear Mama ask you to set the table?"
Nate, "I must have been moving my head when she asked me. The sound waves must have bounced right over me."

Crazy Rainbow Birthday Cake.

2009-03-26T17:06:00.000-07:00

Since we are studying light in our Konos Obedience study, I knew this cake would fit right in with our unit. It fell right on the day we studied rainbows and talked about Noah. Luke really liked it, though I do NOT recommend using the icing they suggest. It was really heavy and almost ice cream like. It slid right down the sides of the cake and I ended up having to freeze the whole shebang. Also, I couldn't find two round pans, so we did one large pan and then cut the cake in half and stacked it.

Here's our crazy bright bowls o' batter:

Plopped in the pan:

Swirled with a knife:

Cut, filled, stacked and frosted - with the proud birthday boy:

Blowing out the candles:

A side view:

All in all, it was pretty tasty and the kids really enjoyed it.

Well..... that changes things

2009-02-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

So, after taking the kids to the DMV and then Target today, I was rethinking my decision to have so many kids (not really). I felt like Charlie Brown's Pigpen, except instead of dirt, there was a whirlwind of children swirling about me. I mean, why do they ALL need to take off their shoes and socks when only ONE of them is getting new shoes?

Anyway, we are driving home and Nate says, "Mama, you're the best. "Cause you love us and are nice to us and teach us about God."

I guess I won't be selling them on Craigslist.

Faith amnesia

2009-02-23T19:04:00.000-08:00

So, we've had a lot going on in our lives and in our marriage the last couple years. Lately, I'd been a bit depressed and discouraged. We've had some issues come to the surface in our marriage that just plain hurt. Sin in both of our lives was/is causing problems and I'd become a little hopeless. Wondering if things would ever change. If I could change. If he were willing to change.

Yesterday, I talked with a friend of mine. She has been through a lot in her life and recently was blessed with a huge miracle. Something that was just so improbable in the natural that it could only be an act of God. And yet, she is still worried. Still a bit fearful and anxious. And I was incredulous. How, when God is so clearly moving on her behalf, could she still doubt? And yet, don't I do the exact same thing?

I've been listening to a lot of praise and worship music online, trying to get some sort of breakthrough. I came across this and was on my face, on the floor, in tears. What was I thinking? How can I look at what God has done in my life and think my current troubles are insurmountable to Him?

Look at my kids! Five beautiful, smiling faces greet me every morning. And I was told that I may never have children at all! I had my first female surgery at 16 and had three more before we were blessed with Nathaniel. I remember the year we were trying to conceive Susannah. I wrote Luke 1:45 on my mirror and meditated on it daily ("Oh how happy is the woman who believes in God, for His promises to her come true.") We built this big ole house in faith, even though people thought we were nuts, because we believed that He would fill it up with children. And we found we were expecting Susannah the week we closed on the house. And still I doubt? God have mercy on my doubting soul.

I ran across this in my Bible yesterday, "He reached down from on high and took hold of me: he drew me from deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He has brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." (II Sam. 22:17-20).

Did you get that? He will rescue us, because HE DELIGHTS IN US! He who has been faithful all along will continue to be faithful. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and He will be faithful to complete that which concerns us! Hallelujah!

Safe, legal and rare?

2009-02-19T13:13:00.000-08:00

Something we often hear liberals like President Obama say is that abortion should be, "safe, legal and rare." The question is, if abortion is good, why should it be rare? If it is a good thing, shouldn't it be common? Shouldn't we encourage abortion? The only reason it should be rare is if it is a bad thing, an evil thing. By saying that abortion should be rare (and I hardly call 40 million murdered babies since Roe v. Wade "rare"), pro-abortion forces admit that it is a bad thing.

We serve a very good God!

2009-02-13T21:40:00.001-08:00

Yes, I really would

2009-02-08T20:43:00.001-08:00

We usually go to the park on Fridays after our homeschool co-op. This Friday was lovely and warm, so we stayed for a couple hours.

I was running my mouth with the other moms when I looked over and noticed Abigail's dress was soaked on the bottom. I called her over.

Me: Abby, what is on your dress? Did you get into a puddle?
Abby: No, Mama, it's pee pee.
Me: Why did you pee on your dress?
Abby: I was playing hide and seek. You would not want me to reveal my hiding spot just to go potty would you?

Yes, yes I really would.

Pardon?

2009-02-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

Nate: Mama, did you know there is a Transformers cartoon?
Me: Yes, they had it when I was a kid too.
Nate: Really? Was it the same? You know, with the Autobots and the Mastecticons?

(I had this vision of breastless robots tramping through the city.)

Say what?

2009-02-02T18:22:00.000-08:00

Abby and I have been cuddling on the couch. I had purchased her some really soft little cotton dresses at Target last week and she was so snuggly.

She said, "I love this new dress, Mama. It's so soft. I want to wear it to bed."

"Oh, that's nice," I murmured.

"Except it has poop on it," she replied.

I don't think I've ever ejected someone from my lap so fast.

Who do you follow?

2009-01-30T12:30:00.000-08:00

I'm like a dog, really. When I'm out with the kids and I see another mom, I check her out. Sniff around. Is she like me? Lots of kids? Baby strapped on back? School aged kids in tow during school hours? If we seem compatible I might venture a "hello". And the sniffing continues. We night start to talk about parenting. Is she like me? How does she feel about schedules? Breastfeeding? Vaccination and alternative medicine? Homeschooling? Spanking? Cloth diapers? Cosleeping? And on and on and on. And I tend to judge folks based on their opinions about these issues.

Similarly, in mom group situations (the church nursery, the park, etc), different child-rearing teachers often come up. Folks quickly identify themselves with one teacher or another (Ezzo, Sears, Lehman, etc). And again, the judging continues.

The apostle Paul dealt with this in I Corinthians, Ch. 1:10-12, "I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there are quarrels among you. What I mean is this: One of you says, 'I follow Paul'; another, 'I follow Apollos'; another, 'I follow Cephas'; still another, 'I follow Christ.'

The truth is, we should all follow Christ alone. He is the best teacher. He knows our children in ways that no one else can and freely gives of His wisdom to those who ask. As much as we have good plans and intentions for our children, His plans and intentions are more glorious and awesome than we can imagine. Why do we avail ourselves of man's wisdom to the detriment of God's? Why do we allow differences in parenting to divide us, instead of allowing Christ to unite us? Many men and women have valuable things to say, but only when we learn at the foot of Christ we will be truly wise.

The age of ...

2008-12-29T22:49:00.000-08:00

Nate saw my birthdate on a form the other day and said, "Oh my gosh, Mommy, I didn't know you were born in the 1900's! Wow! Was that the Pirate Age or the Age of Exploration?"

I'm pretty sure it was the Age of Double Knit Polyester. Rock on Bicentennial Babes!

Ummm, no

2008-12-02T13:55:00.000-08:00

This week the children's Bible verse is Matthew 12:34b, "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

While they were copying it from the board, I explained what the verse meant and asked them, "If the overflow of your heart is what comes out of your mouth, what is in your heart?"

Anna sat for a moment, looked at me, and said, "Spit."

Thanksgiving movie

2008-11-19T09:09:00.000-08:00

My friend Kimberly is a missionary in Ireland. They are having a traditional Thanksgiving feast next week and she asked me if the kids would act out the story for them and then say what they were thankful for.

Here is our (not quite) high quality video:

hard words

2008-11-18T14:58:00.000-08:00

So, can I tell you how much God has been showing me His love lately? (Aside from the rockin' awesome full over twin bunkbeds with mattresses He gave us for FREE!)

Philip and I have been in a rough patch in our marriage. Busyness, illness, finances and everything seem to have ganged up on us all at once. I had seriously gotten to the point where I wondered why I was married at all.

Then, a week and half ago, God spoke to me.

After our homeschool co-op on Fridays, many of the families head to a local park for a picnic lunch. My friend Bonnie (who lives over an hour away) called me as I was leaving co-op to ask if I was going to the park that day. I said yes, and she said she had been heading home, but the Lord told her to come back. We met at the park and began eating.

As the kids played, I started to share a little bit about what was going on in my life, really just expecting to vent (isn't that what we ladies usually do under the guise of sharing - complain about our spouses?) Bonnie wasn't about to have that. She gave me some gentle, loving and difficult to swallow words about my heart and my marriage. She reminded me that I cannot change Philip, only myself. She talked with me about submission, freedom, wounds and a lot of other things. I found myself fighting tears (and I HATE to cry in front of people). She and my friend Alysia prayed for me and I drove home sobbing.

For the rest of the day I cried and prayed while I made dinner and cleaned house. I felt like God was breaking something in me. Like a wall that had been erected in my heart was being knocked down with a sledgehammer. But at the same time, I felt a lightness in my soul that I hadn't felt in a long time.

I've been trying some new things this last week and a half. Like shutting my mouth when I want to be sarcastic. And really focusing on keeping the kids on a schedule. And things are improving.

The thing is, Bonnie and Alysia didn't give me what I wanted that Friday afternoon. I just wanted to gripe and have someone commisurate. They gave me what I needed, and I am so grateful. Proverbs 27:6 says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." I wish more of us in the Christian community had the courage to give wounds when they are necessary, instead of applying superficial kisses that heal nothing.

Quacking me up

2008-11-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

We were reading Proverbs this morning when we came across a verse about prosperity. Nate asked, "So, if we follow God we will always be rich?" I explained that this was not true. That God blesses us, not so that we can be rich, but so that we will have more to give others after our needs are met. I told him that if he needs 30 dollars to live on, but God blesses him with 50 dollars, it is so he can use the extra 20 to give to the sick or poor.

Nate smiled and said, "I'd give mine to the poor. 'Cause the sick should have asked about Aflac at work. You know, the duck that pays for your groceries and gas."

What's that again?

2008-11-08T12:13:00.000-08:00

Philip and I were talking last night when Susannah popped in with a question.

"Mama, how do make an earl?"

"Pardon? What do you mean 'an earl'?"

"Well, I made the 'g', but I don't know how to write the rest of 'girl'."

Philip and I just about died laughing.

Good stuff..

2008-11-06T09:26:00.000-08:00

I love Mark Driscoll. I think he put my thoughts into perfect form here.

I'm reminded of the words of Isaiah (55:2), "Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

Many people have been spending their time and money on what does not satisfy. I was at Walmart the night of the election and heard someone say, "Now that Obama's in office, all our troubles are over." In the coming months, these people are going to be sorely dissappointed. Obama may give them some of what they want, but he cannot fill that soul deep hunger for the presence of a living God. As St. Augustine said, "You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You." May we who know Christ be ready to offer living water to those who are parched, and the Comforter to those who are disillusioned and dissapointed.

Good news about the election!

2008-11-05T07:26:00.000-08:00

Even though Obama will be President in 3 months:

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-annointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

(Thanks, Em, for the email above)

I would love to see Obama's catchphrases come to life. I'd love to see people finding HOPE in Christ. I'd be thrilled to see folks' lives CHANGE as a result of rebirth. We should all have the AUDACITY to take a stand for truth and witness boldly for our Lord. It would be amazing to see us all UNITED, worshipping in spirit and truth.

Halloween.

2008-11-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

Some pictures of the world's most adorable kids having a blast at our church's Trunk or Treat fest.

Still the same...

2008-11-03T07:59:00.000-08:00

A lot of my Christian friends have been freaking out about the election tomorrow. While I absolutely agree that we need to be in prayer about it and am trepidacious about an Obama presidency, I don't think it will be the death knell for our country. (I remember folks saying similar things about Clinton in '92). Regardless of who is our leader, God is still in charge. Proverbs 21:1 says, "The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases." Our God is not so small that He cannot get ahold of Obama's heart. And no matter what, come Wednesday morning, the Throne in Heaven will still be occupied. Our God will still reign.

Little poop

2008-10-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

This morning Abigail was acting terrible. She just kept getting into one scuffle after another, harrassing her brothers and sisters constantly. The last straw was when Gabriel began to scream. I turned and found Abby sitting next to him trying to look innocent. I asked her if she knew why he was screaming. She smiled and said, "Yes, I pinched him."

"Abby," I exclaimed, "You are not acting very nice today. You are acting like a little poop instead of a little princess."

She grinned at me. "Oh Mommy, that is so silly. Poops don't do anything. They just lay there in the toilet. I don't ever lay in the toilet."

Can't really argue with her logic.

To put it another way....

2008-10-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

I love Randy Alcorn. He has a way of putting things in perspective. This is why he says he is voting for McCain instead of Obama:

"What would you think if a politician said 'I'm not pro-rape, I'm simply prochoice about rape. And though I would not choose to rape a woman, I believe that every man should be free to rape a woman if that is his personal choice.?"

Yet we accept this type of logic regarding abortion. Ack, my brain hurts from the cognitive dissonance.

Check out more of his insights here.

Duh!

2008-10-24T15:45:00.001-07:00

Taking a large brood of children to Target requires planning. I tempt them with the promise of a cookie (free over in the bakery) if I see good behavior. I strap Gabriel onto my back, put Luke in the cart seat and admonish the other three with the Prime Directive (Stay with Mommy!) We head into the store and are moving through the aisles with ease. No squabbling, things I need are on sale, all is good.

And then I realize Anna is not behind me. What? She was just with me in office supplies. I begin to shout for her and search the aisles. I find her two aisles over, staring straight ahead, frozen against the endcap with her arms in bent position.

I tap her on the shoulder. "Anna, why aren't you with Mommy?"

Anna turns, eyes incredulous, and says plaintively, "Mommy, don't you know? I'm a robot. I can only turn if you tap me on the shoulder and tell me how many steps to take. Duh!"

I explain that there is only one of me and five of them and I really need her to keep her eyes on me. Her lip pops out in a pout and she says, "Mommy, you can't blame me. The people at the factory made me this way. I'm just a robot."

O brother.

So easy a child could understand

2008-10-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

Nate asked me the other day why I was not voting for Obama. They had seen some presidential ads on TV and Nate said, "Mom, he talks really nice. And he wants us all to share and be nice to our neighbors. That's good stuff." I agreed and explained that while I do agree with and can respect Obama's positions on some issues, I disagree with him on others, like abortion.

Nate asked what abortion was. After taking a deep breath to consider how I should respond, I explained that sometimes when a mommy has a baby in her tummy, she decides for some reason that she doesn't want to have a baby and she goes to a special doctor who kills the baby in her tummy and takes it out. (I assured him that I would never even think about such a thing, and my doctors would never hurt a baby in my tummy.)

Nate's eyes got huge and wet and he whispered, "But Mama, that is wrong. How could someone do that to a baby? God says babies are a gift. Don't they know that?" I began to weep and hugged him close.

"Yes, Nate, babies are a gift. Some people just don't know it," I said as I comforted him.

"Well, Mama, why don't we tell them? Why don't we make a movie and show them how great babies are? Maybe we could give them our address and they could just give their babies to us when they are born. We need more babies, Mama."

I explained that people did not understand because they were held captive by sin. The eyes of their understanding are blinded because they are slaves to the devil. I told him we needed to pray that people would be freed. That they would come to know Jesus and believe in the truth. That when people know God, they understand His blessings. We prayed together and snuggled for a while.

Why is it that an eight year old who loves God can see clearly what many grownups cannot?

Stay down....

2008-10-21T09:12:00.001-07:00

So, I was really getting in the groove in mid September. We were getting into a great rhythm with homeschooling, the house was staying relatively clean, and I was attending a fantastic Bible study ("Lord, I Need Grace Just to Make It Today" by Kay Arthur - totally amazing and life changing).

And then, the sickness started. I spent a total of 13 days in the hospital. My kids missed out on a ton of school time (though we can make it up easily since hs'ing takes much less time than ps). I missed Bible study. Philip and I ended up stressed beyond belief and floundering financially.

Sound like the work of anyone we know? Why are we surprised that when we get moving in God's direction we get attacked?

I was napping fitfully at the hospital and had a dream. I was fighting in a boxing ring. I kept taking these hard jabs to ribs and falling to the mat. Each time I would struggle back up and keep fighting. Finally I fell and didn't think I could stand again.

I heard a voice whisper in my ear, "Stay down. Don't get up. Just stay down and you'll be okay." And I was sorely tempted to throw in the towel.

That was not the voice of the Lord. It was the voice of the enemy. Satan wants us to give up. He wants to convince us to lay low and not struggle. I know God has amazing things to do through me for my family and the world. And I know the enemy wants to stop me from doing these things. He wants to convince me to give up, to stay down and be a mediocre Christian. He wants me to go through the motions and walk a shallow Christian life, filled with activity but lacking true relationship with Christ. He wants me to be an antagonist to my husband, and focus on our failures as a couple. He wants me to let our dead culture raise my children.

But he's not going to win. I will hold on. I will persevere. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to lay low, to not lead the charge and draw fire. But I know that when the enemy speaks, it is the language of lies, his native tongue. There is victory to be had if I will persevere.

To this end, I have posted encouraging Scripture around our house to remind me to press on. If you come over to see us, don't be surprised to hear us singing Scripture - my heart is weak and needs constant reminder of my purpose and God's promise.

The great thing is, I've read the Book. I know Who wins the fight in the end. I just need to do my best to stay in it and press on.

2008-10-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

Naked and dirty

2008-10-19T20:50:00.001-07:00

So, I was in the hospital again last week. Apparently the multiple rounds of antibiotics for the sepsis destroyed the good bacteria in my intestines, leaving me open for a nasty bout with colitis. But I am home now, and on the mend. My friends have come through for me, taking care of my kids and cooking meals and even coming over and cleaning my house. I tear up thinking of the amazing group of ladies I am priviledged to call "friend."

But, oh the humility that lies in true Christian community. I was lying in my hospital bed when my friend Stephanie called to say that a group of ladies from my homeschool co-op had descended upon our house and were cleaning away. I was thankful, but so embarrassed. I like to clean up before folks come over. I don't have the natural gift of housekeeping. I was mortified to hear that my dear friend Kathie was cleaning the toilet in my master bathroom (the last room in our house to ever get cleaned). How would I ever look these ladies in the eye when they knew what a mess I was?

But that's just the point. I am a mess and I need help. On a physical and spiritual level. And as long as I continue to tidy up and put on lipstick and go to church with a pasted-on grin, no one will come to my aid. It is when we finally break that we can be mended. When we give up on going it alone and admit our broken, shameful nakedness, others can step in to help. I was embarrassed to let others see the mess I had got my house into, but the only way for them to help was for them to fully see the need. (And so far, none of them has sent me any emails berating my dirty floors.)

And ultimately, this is how we are with our Savior. We try to clean up. We make an effort to show Him how sincere we are. But we aren't honest. Maybe it's a product of our cheap grace, self-esteem driven culture, but our conversions aren't what they used to be. Rarely do we hear these words from in the 1776 hymn "Rock of Ages":

Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to the cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die

Past salvation, we continue to try and pretty ourselves up spiritually when we go to our Bible studies, never admitting our sins to one another. We might say we are "struggling" in an area or some other such nicety, but it is rare to hear honest confession of sin nowdays.

What freedom we would find if we could be honest, naked and dirty as that might be. What healing we would find if we could admit our brokeness to one another and our God. And what friendship we would find if we would lay down our defenses and let others see the truth about our situation. We are all in this together: broken, bleeding, sin drenched and pitiful.

But there is hope, "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all." (Is 53:6)

Waiting for the day

2008-10-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend so mine went quite a few days "overdue" with her baby (since we know due dates are inaccurate at best). She was so patient, waiting for the perfect time for God to bring her baby into the world. And when her time came, she had a quick labor and birthed a ten and half pound baby boy with no problems.

She is much more patient than I am. I get to about 32 weeks and start feeling like a stuffed turkey. I moan and whine and wish for time to speed up until my baby comes. (Philip always tells me to enjoy it, because someday soon I will be wishing I were pregnant again. I roll my eyes like a petulant child and tell him that I won't. Of course, now I'm all twitchy for a new babe and totally wish I were pregnant again - but that's another subject). God, in His mercy, ignores my cries for deliverance and gives me strength to forbear until the proper time. And, when the time is perfect, the baby is born. And somehow, within a few days, I no longer remember the pains and travails of pregnancy. It seems like a very distant memory.

The Bible says that all creation groans for deliverance from sin (Rom 8:22). We too, long for the day of Christ's coming, when wrongs are made right and we are made into His likeness. Some days it just seems cruel that the earth continues to spin unaltered. So much sin, so much pain, so much evil exists. Like a heavily pregnant woman, we long for it to finally be the time of deliverance. Yet the Bible also tells us in II Peter 3 that it is the kindness of the Lord that causes Him to wait. He wishes that none would perish and so He lets creation groan in labor, knowing that every day more lost souls are found in Him.

But the day will come when His patience ends. Just as a woman cannot be pregnant forever (even though it feels like it), so creation will not groan in labor in vain. Someday, we will rise and find it is indeed that day, the day of deliverance we have longed for. And when it happens, we will count these days of trouble as a distant memory.